NP FENCING INVITES

Yes, Ngee Ann Fencing Invites is finally over. Kudos to the fellow fencers that took charge of this whole event. I find it pretty impressive given that its considered a relatively big event, where quite a number of other organizations are involved. *clapclap*

The first day checking into school was fun, I got the chance to see how the piste we usually use during competitions is fixed together but all of a sudden, other than the fixing of the piste, I can hardly remember any other details of the very first day in school. Second day was when the event actually started and there was the foil men and women individual event that took off with a blast. Third day in school and it was my turn to fence in the women's epee individual event early in the morning if I didn't remember wrongly. 

Okay, speaking  of the women's epee individual event, I didn't really have an idea of what I wanted to achieve in this competition initially. I wasn't nervous or whatsoever even during the morning of the competition when I woke up in the loft.. It just didn't felt like competition. And then it came. The anxiety and fear came when I saw the others preparing for the event, resetting the scoreboard and changing the timing on the scoreboard itself, 3 min per bout. It only hit me when I kept staring at the 3 min on the scoreboard cos I was wondering what could happen in that 3 min. Anything can happen. I don't know my opponents, neither do they know me. But I didn't know what I would do during the real 3 min I have later on. The anxiety was pretty scary and it almost took me over. It felt like something new to me, given that it was my very first individual event. Got into the same poules as Hoyang and my first few bouts weren't smooth at all. Only till the last bout did I manage to get the feel right on track. But eventually lost even the final bout when I lost priority to my opponent and had to attack her for 1 min but to no avail. I couldn't go pass her defences. I knew then that I probably wouldn't make it through the direct elimination but because of my pride, deep down I wished and wished that I can have a chance to at the very least fence a few more bouts before I get kicked out. I gave myself hope that I might still have the slightest chance to get in. BUT NO. I didn't and having someone else tell me that "you are eliminated", cos I couldn't see the board LOL, is not fun at all. I felt like a real loser. Till now I still do. It just wouldn't leave me, the feeling of being kicked out just after 5 bouts. Definitely something that I wouldn't forget. 

Last day in school, basically ytd, was the women's epee team event and I was in the same team as huiyu, suyuan and jernelle and basically we lost the team event as well. But I was carrying with me the fear of failure from the day before, I made a mistake that till now I keep thinking to myself that it probably would be of a different ending if I had lost lesser points to my opponent right at the start. I only fully understood what I was supposed to do with the "strategic fencing" in a team event after that fatal bout which was alr too late by then. 

Through NP Invites, I may not have performed well, achieved NOTHING, (got to be this frank with myself even though it freaking hurts when I think of it) but there are definitely many learning points that i've walked away with at the end of the whole event. I know what I want now in my next competition, which I believe is the SMU Asian Varsity Challenge. It might be cos of pride that i'm dying to achieve something in a competition and it actually need not be a medal yet. Its basically a personal inside goal that I set myself. 

NP Invites has fired my yearn to win and my competitiveness very very much. 我不甘心我做不到. I have this on repeat in my head. I want to show that I can as well, not only other people. Whether is it academics or anything, from the past till now, I hate it when people look down upon me and think that I cannot do it but i'm not saying this in anger. They have every right to look down on me until the day I prove to them that I can be better than what you think I can do. What goes around comes around. I think everyone has their turn to shine. You can shine now but might not shine forever. I may not shine now but I probably would in the future.

Now, with higher than ever expectations of myself, i'm ready to go. :)

Cheers.^^ Happy Christmas Eve~ <3