CRAPPY LONELY SOUL

Hello.

I swear my mood is just getting crappier by the day. Honestly. Its been bugging me for quite a while now and omg I feel absolutely miserable. I don't like the feeling of being unhappy AT ALL.

But yet I can't really name what is the exact problem that's bothering me for so freaking long. It just feels like everything. Everything is just not going the way I wanted. School, friends, fencing, committee stuff, myself and everything else. Seriously. The past two weeks or so i'm just like a piece of crap. I don't even know how to describe that feeling anymore. Its changing me into another person that I hate.

I can't believe I get irritated SO easily recently. And I often feel very bad for saying the wrong things in a spite of anger when I didn't even mean it and ended up feeling even more miserable than before. This weird anger brewing inside me occurs cos i'm just SO over sensitive lately. Like really the smallest thing that happen can get on my nerves so freaking bad. Worse of all, saying things that I don't mean and hurting other people in the process just kills me a little on the inside everytime. And this me, now, while controlling that crazy anger. Imagine I didn't control at all, I would have said things that i'll definitely regret saying. 

So many days, I just wanted to cry and tell somebody about everything. But I don't know how to. Its something that I don't know how to explain and I don't know what the hell is wrong with everything. ITS JUST BUGGING ME NON STOP.

Thankfully, despite all the disgusting mess that i'm in, I have you being very tolerant with my abnormal behavior and continue to stand by me. Listen to me rant non stop and sat with me when I didn't feel like speaking. It is only in front of you that I didn't have to put on a smile and pretend that everything is alright. All that you've done made me feel apologetic cos i'm probably one of the most hard-to-be-with person right now and I know I probably haven't been very nice to be with either. But is probably the only thing that I can be happy about right now. 

I hope things will get better. Soon. So I can spare myself from this misery and spare the people around me some trouble too.

Whatever.

Bye.