CLOVER

Met up with a bunch of people that made my secondary school life a lot more worthwhile, specifically my first two years of secondary education. To be honest, i'm not like super close with every single one of them but its the entire class, including people that I am considerably close with and people that i'm probably just partially close with or have never been really close with before, that makes it all worthwhile. 

Not everybody turned up for today's gathering and we didn't exactly do anything either. Haha. Played some really simple games and took lots of polaroids, that's pretty much it. Ya, its probably not a lot of activities going on but really, it makes me feel really warm on the inside to know that these people that had once walked into my life back then, they are all still around. I still get to see them every now and then, though not too often. 

One of which, would be one of the few special girls in my life I believe. We've went through so much together, quarreled, patched our friendship along the way and even though some people may have went separate ways and probably things are never going to be the same ever again, but we still remained friends. I think that she'll be the kind of friend that I won't see or contact for a really long time but when we meet up again like months later, all we need is just some time to warm up and we can be back on track. I love and cherish friends like these. Minimal effort is needed to maintain the friendship but it just keeps going. 

And so this special person, none other than Boya, I haven't seen her for like ages and I haven't exactly texted her for a really long time too. But since the last time I saw her at John Little and we ended chatting like some aunties, we kind of went right back to where we left off on that very day. She still shared with me about her eye candy today during lunch. Haha. And she gave me an early birthday gift too, too my amazement. It was a really sweet gift and I look forward to maybe really be able to use it together and go abroad and explore someday. 

Anyway, the main point is, she wrote me a little letter and it was so so sweet. It made me teared up a little when I read it cos it gave me so much hope and increased the level of my self worth. I didn't know that that was the impression I gave. I didn't know that I would worth so much to someone. That I could be one of the most amazing person in someone's life. Like i'm not exaggerating. My self worth level is so low sometimes that I feel absolutely useless. Its the thing that affects me the most in my growing up days and even up till now. 

So to her, I was someone without temper, (and I would say that's probably half true cos I actually do get angry more as I grew older. I didn't want others to see me as somebody that can be trampled  on so i'm a little harsher than what I used to be.) And always listening, always caring, a character that many of my friends would enjoy having around. For once, it made me feel that I am worth the attention and effort that others put in me, and that for once, I might really have the capability to bring joy to someone's life. What made me really teared up was when she wrote: "Maybe you don't know but these are all your outstanding qualities that enables you to be constantly loved by your friends." Yes. I really didn't know that this was the way how people looked at me. I've always wallowed in the negative thought that nobody likes me the way I liked them and I've always immersed in the thought that I can be easily substituted but I realised, no.. Nobody can be a second me. 

Its hard to explain how much this mere words by her affected me and made me realised how much self worth i've short changed myself in the past. Even as i'm typing, the overwhelming emotions inside me boosts my self confidence and I can't help it but to tell myself that i'm worthed it. 

People actually love me. 

I don't have a lot of friends to be honest. But, each and every one of my friends, regardless if we are close or not, or even just close in the past, I truly cherish from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how I can substitute these cliche words but its just true. I am very very very thankful for these people in my life but there's no way i'm able to list everybody out cos i'm sure I will miss out someone and also because, I know that there will be more of such people popping up in my life. 

You are the clover sent to bring me luck. You changed my perspective when i'm at my very lowest. And I'll be your clover too. I'll walk with each and everyone that I cherish and care for. Now and in the future.