CHAPTER 18

For some reasons, I had the urge to flip through my old photographs and witness how much i've changed over the years now that i'm 18. 18 marks the legal age and I feel that its a big deal to me and what's better than to reminiscence the past. Right? 

It took me a lot of courage to want to share these photos because it reminded me of the past in such surprising vividness. Year by year, it brings me right back into time and it reminds me of the amazing time I had spent in that duration and how much i've grown and changed. It reminded me of the ridiculously lack of self confidence days that were so much worse than what I am going through now. I've picked up a lot of things along the way and i've learned a lot as well, and have let go a lot. It still hurt me the way it did in the past as I try to recall the memories but I know things are vastly different now and I know i'm so much better than before. 

I have totally no idea how old I was but I was really young then. The birth mark I had on my left pinky then has long faded and its gone now, except for a few very faded pink tiny dots. Hehe.

Probably when I was about 4 or 5 years old? It was my most carefree days i've ever had, in kindergarten, making friends, learning, playing, fighting etc. It was the period time before I kept more to myself.

HAHAHA. I think i'm about 6 or older by then. Damn ugly I know but i'm glad i'm no longer as chubby. LOL At that time i'm growing up and I learn about more things in life but still having as much fun as before. In fact I never stopped having fun. I just grew more aware of the surroundings and stuff. Sort of different, not as carefree as the really young times. :)

Primary 1, just enrolled into primary school and a whole new environment, with homework, lessons, PE, friends and a lot more. :) 

Primary 2, more comfortable with school environment and fostered even more friendships that accompanied me through lots of fun and laughter. 

Primary 3, started growing out my hair and had long hair ever since. A year of rebellion, in the sense that I didn't like studying but nothing major. :) 

Primary 4, became more aware of the importance of studying and I got back on track with the help of a really great teacher that I appreciated till now, if not for him I probably wouldn't have buck up and I probably wouldn't have became who I am now. Thanks Mr Yap you changed me, no doubt. :)

Primary 5, a year that I resented but understood a lot and realised a lot about my own abilities and the effort that I am capable of giving. Was resenting everything that I could because I did okay but was entered into a class that I did not expect myself getting into. I know I was really judgmental then but it triggered my will to prove others wrong. And I did eventually. I topped my class for almost all of the subjects and got a place in the first class for the next half of the year. It was life changing and it was when I truly realised the meaning of hardwork. At the same time, the sad truth of how judgmental the world really is. It was probably the time when I started keeping to myself and expressing only in my diary that I still keep now, though not for long. (maybe i'll want to share a little about that in the future)

Despite I wasn't happy that the school made me go into that class, I still had a few really good friends from the class that I didn't like. In fact, I liked the people in that class. Just didn't like the fact that the school didn't see what I am capable of. But with that being said, I do not look down on the people in my class then. I know we all have different abilities and we learn at different speeds its just a psychological barrier that I couldn't get over within myself at that point in time. 

In that year, I helped a girl that came from china with her studies and the english languge and that was probably the most rewarding thing. She and I were really good friends for quite a while and now I wouldn't resent anymore. If it wasn't for that class, I wouldn't have woke up and I wouldn't have really gave my all and I wouldn't have those amazing memories that I hold dear now. The experiences in that year had been etched in my mind for the longest period of time and it is a constant reminder for me to work hard and I know I may not be the most intelligent person on earth but I am capable of quite a bit of things if I can put in my all to produce the results. 

You can say that that year was primarily what mold me into who I am today. And even till now, I still feel the pain when I had to make myself accept the harsh truth and almost believing that i am not good enough. It had a really huge impact in me.  

Primary 6, the last year of my primary education and I got pass PSLE and managed to get into the next stage of my education..

Secondary 1, a whole different way of life and it was when I met a lot of my current close friends now. Jiayun, Helen, Eliane, Boya, and many many more. 1R1 was where flowers of friendships first started blooming and was as amazing as the next year that i'm going to share. :)

Secondary 2, had a total blast with 2I1 and these people are by far people that really made a lot a lot a alot of crazy memories and experiences together that i'd never want to forget. That year was totally awesome and I missed it a lot till now. :)

Secondary 3, didn't do so well for streaming but got to know another group of new people and had more memories made. Had a few great buddies that I really really loved. <3 And the 3rd year being classmates with Jiayun and I still love her a lot! 

Anw, in this year, its pretty much considered a transition phase for me. It was a rough year preparing for O levels and whatnot but I enjoyed it still. Its all these experiences that allows me to learn and grow over the years. It was also when I first learned how to love someone beyond a friend. Thinking about it now, I had been immature, not going to deny but then again, if not for that experience, I wouldn't be standing here today. I want to make every laugh, every smile and every tear count. :)

Secondary 4, a really great hurdle that I passed, entering into a different stage of my life again, grew up and I still remember I really unwilling to leave the friends that I have to divert to different routes for our future just cos I thought that would be the end of us. But i'm happy that I still am in contact with some of them and it makes me feel very loved. :)

I was glad that secondary school ended for me though, just because I felt that secondary school had been the hardest and roughest years till now, even under comparison with poly life. In poly, academically its really tough but it still feels different from o levels. O levels was a huge scare and i'm just glad it was over. I broke down many times during the final lap towards O levels and it was not fun at all. Not going to lie. But with the support from teachers and my dearest buddies, I pulled through and I can proudly say that I made it, even though it was just average scores. 

And this is me, in the year 2013. 

Appearance wise, I feel like I haven't really changed, other than the different glasses that I wore over the years. My main facial features hasn't really changed. I just became bloated and shrunk at different stages while growing up. LOL Can't believe how chubby I was in the past.

Anyway, there are a lot of experiences through the various years that I couldn't possibly remember but really, they all account for who I am today. These memories are really precious to me. The joy and laughter that made my studying days so much more enjoyable, the hard times when I broke down and pulled my hair for studies (literally), the fights and quarrels that i've gotten into that made me cherish the people even more after patching up, the tears that I cried during the sad days, the lack of self confidence that almost took me over, and everything else that mattered, was a part of my memories and these are what made the first 18 chapters of my life so memorable. 

Today, I am a chemical and biomolecular engineering student in Ngee Ann poly. Again, I am not the best in what I do but I am slowly getting into it and finding the passion in it. Its not easy, academically but like I said, I never stopped playing. I never stopped having fun. I just learned to have fun in a different way as before. Fun is more than just the literal meaning that it carries. (to me) Fun is taking pride in what I do and doing it with passion without compromising your principles and moral values. 

Am still awaiting awesome and incredible things to unfold themselves in the rest of 2013. I'll continue on with my life long journey of learning and discovering about myself and make everyday count. I'll love myself more than before and live life as it is. Just cos I know I am good enough. :)

Your happiness doesn't depend on anybody. You are truly happy only when your happiness doesn't depend on anyone but yourself. :)

QUINOA "FRIED RICE"

Herro! 

Have been trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle and healthy living routine by adjusting my diet and getting back into running/jogging. And in my attempt to do that, I have been eating home cooked food for the past few days or so, for every meal, just cos I see a lot of people that are really into fitness and healthy living, emphasising non stop about how abs comes from the kitchen, or effective weight loss results from changing your diet and exercising etc. With that, I decided to go ahead and take the trouble to cook my meals rather than eating out and to try to influence my family into adopting a clean eating diet as well, just so that it'll be easier for us to prepare meals at home and it benefits not only me but my entire family so why not. :)

Quinoa, is a grain that has been more "recognized" in recent years especially to people that are into clean eating. It is a highly nutritive grain that I use to replace white rice that I have been eating for the longest period of time. I did a very rough research on the nutrition value of quinoa and it has been said that quinoa is relatively high in protein, calcium, iron, a source of vitamin E, and several B vitamins and it is an excellent alternative to rice for people that want a gluten free diet. Quinoa is classified under complex carbohydrates that are really high in fiber and it provides you with the energy and keeps you satisfied after meals and I believe this is really important because you tend to want to eat lesser when you feel satisfied and are not hungry all the time. Of course, there are tons of other different kinds of grains that are really beneficial as well, such as brown rice, buckwheat etc but I honestly could not accept the taste of brown rice so I gave up trying that and i'm really really glad that I found quinoa because it not only taste surprisingly good, it is highly beneficial as well. 

I am currently using organic quinoa from Origins Healthfood that I got from Fairprice finest and it costs slightly more than $7 for this pack. I didn't really mean to get organic quinoa but I seem to only find it in the organic section. But then again maybe I didn't check thoroughly that day. It is pretty pricey as compared to normal white rice what we purchase in a really huge sack but honestly that pack can last me for quite a substantial number of meals because I only use slightly less than 1/2 cup of it each time. So actually it still costs lesser than what we pay for outside and is far far more beneficial.

Okay so getting into my quinoa "fried rice", it is a super easy kind of home cooked food that you don't really need to spend a lot of time into preparing it.

Ingredients:

- 1/2 cup qunioa

- 2 small cloves of garlic, chopped

- 2 chilli padies, chopped

- a handful of bean sprouts

- 1 egg

First, cook the quinoa with approximately twice the amount of water and set it aside to cool.

Boil the bean sprouts till its cooked and set aside to cool. (best if its still nice and crunchy)

Make an egg omelette and cut it into bite size and set it aside to cool.

Add a little oil and put in the chopped garlic, chilli, bean sprouts and egg slices into the pan and stir fry.

Lastly, add in the cooked quinoa and mix it all up. 

Add a little soy sauce for flavor if you'd like and you're done!

Honestly its that easy. And it tastes pretty much like ordinary fried rice. I used no salt and no sugar for this dish and it still taste as good! Okay maybe slightly more bland, to be very honest, but I am used to food that are not too flavourful so i'm perfectly okay with that. You just have to get used to it. And for stuff like this, its really about creativity and what you like to eat. Switch up the ingredients for other healthy and beneficial stuff to suit your taste buds so that you really enjoy eating it! 

I am happy that I started this change in my life even though I just started out like really not long ago and i've been into it on-off, but I think it is still feasible to make this a permanent change in my lifestyle. It just takes time. Hehe. I keep reminding myself to keep it going even though I may fail to stick to it time and again, giving in to temptations along the way but it'll be too cruel to forbid myself from eating the good stuff every now and then. Hehe. Even though I eat to live, its always fine to live to eat once in a while! 

Quinoa is probably my biggest step that i've taken so far and I wouldn't say that I eat entirely clean at the moment but I am already looking forward to trying and experimenting with other beneficial food and recipes in the future. I really want to try avocados the next time round. I thought it looks so creamy and nice but I haven't really got a chance to try how it taste like yet! 

Anyway, healthy eating really doesn't have to be a chore or a burden. It just takes s little time and effort just like everything else. In life, school, relationships, family, everything including living requires that extra time and effort to see promising results. I look forward to a healthier me in the future~ :)

BAKED SALMON WITH GARLIC

Why hello there! Its officially entering the last few days of my holidays but since I still have enough time on hand while at home, i've decided to try to continue cooking my own meals. Healthy meals that is. :)

Today was unintentionally a carbs free day, in which I do not consume any food item that consists of simple carbohydrates, namely white rice that asians typically have all the time. Okay basically I had a banana for breakfast and I later proceeded to cooking this super simple Baked Salmon with Garlic that I sort of figured out the ingredients and recipe myself and I wanted to share it cos it tasted SO good. I'm not even sure if this would be considered clean cos I added sesame oil to it for that unique fragrance and a pinch of salt for tasting. So go ahead and switch up the ingredients if you want it absolutely clean! 

Ingredients:

- 2 slices of salmon (best with skin still intact cos the skin taste so good)

- 2 small cloves of garlic, chopped

- A pinch of table salt, roughly eyeballed

- Sesame oil, roughly eyeballed

SO EASY.

Basically you just wash the salmon slices and dry it between a few pieces of paper towels and a pinch of salt to it, try to spread and apply it all over the salmon slices so you don't get over salty patches later on. Then pour in the sesame oil and chopped garlic and apply it all over the salmon slices and pop it into the oven for slightly less than 15 mins at approximately 225 degree Celsius. And you're done! 

This recipe is THAT simple and it really just takes a lot of eyeballing of the amount of the ingredients cos you can always add less or more of something according to your own preferences. And its SO good. You wouldn't even need rice to fill you up even though I feel that it will go really well with rice as well. Hehe.

Not only does it taste good, its good for you as well. Salmon is rich in Omega 3 I believe everyone knows about it by now. It generally reduces inflammation and the possibilities of the occurrence of chronic diseases like heart problems. What's better than a fish that's delicious and beneficial to you? :)

Have fun cooking! :D

Baiiiiiiiiiiiii~ 

THE BLACK VEIL

Okay I may have very well touched on this topic, not very long before, in a not-so-nice tone but I just want to do it again in a more logical and less harsh manner just because I feel like this shouldn't be an offensive post. It should by no means offend anyone but rather, to encourage the change that many like-minded people, like myself, would like to see in the world. 

I got inspired to start this blogpost because I was reading Kaykay's blog to pass time and I started from her very first blogpost till I chanced upon a blogpost titled "Please Stick Around" (Please do click on the original post and read on) I read her blogpost and I find what she expressed was really true and relatable. I cannot agree more with what she said and I believe it speaks likewise for many many other like minded people in the world. 

Smoking is something that I personally do not encourage and I would very much like to be the support for people that are willing to quit, regardless who they are. I think by quitting, you are giving yourself another chance to live back the life that you might have shortchanged yourself if you had continued smoking. I cannot emphasize enough the amazement and wonder life can bring. So please please please please please, spare a thought for the people that love you, if not, spare the thought for the people that YOU love. Would you want to leave them early? I doubt so. 

Anyway, quoting from what Kaykay said in her blogpost, "Would you do something big for people you may not have met yet?" 

Would you stop smoking now for your future? Would you stop smoking, knowing that there is a chance that you might leave earlier as a consequence of your smoking habits now, leaving your friends, parents, loved ones, family, etc? Would you stop smoking for yourself? For your own health? 

Quoting yet again, "The way I see it, I have a choice. Smoking is a choice. SO IS QUITTING." So you see. Smoking is a choice. You don't know just yet how much your partner and your children or even your family will mean to you in the future. I'm very sure nobody would want to have to leave early for the "fun" from smoking that you get now. Its so not worthy at all. 

Just take a breath, sit down and imagine your life thirty, forty years down the road. Imagine you being a part of a family that you call your own. Would you bear to leave them? Of course not. 

And with that, i've made an identical choice as Kaykay and many other non smokers out there. I made a choice to not smoke. Ever in my entire life. 

I hated when my dad smoke but one thing for sure, i'm proud that he quit smoking and drinking altogether quite a few years back, when his health first took a toll on him. It may sound a little late, quitting only when your body fails. But still, he quitted. Despite that, there's something that I disapprove of and am disappointed about even till now. My dad did not quit smoking and drinking for me and my mum. Countless times have we tried to express our disapproval for his lifestyle, but he did not take our words into the slightest consideration. I distanced myself from him unknowingly since a few years back because I felt that he was really irresponsible for continuing with that kind of lifestyle despite the pleas from my mum and I. But then again, he quitted for himself in the end. Despite the past, he did it in the end and i'm proud of him because I know it isn't easy at all. What I want to say is basically that smoking ruins relationships with anybody. It can be your spouse and even your children.

Regardless of the reasons that can make you quit, be it for others or for yourself, selfish or not reasons, JUST QUIT.  The reasons behind you quitting now may be selfish but years down the road, you'd be glad that you did what you did right now. You'd be glad that you are able to spend time with your family and friends. 

And so, because I lead a smoke free lifestyle and I don't see myself missing out anything in life, I would genuinely encourage anybody and everybody to lead a smoke free lifestyle as well. You'll see the difference trust me. Life can be so much better without that veil of smoke obstructing you. Experience life as it is. Its awesome. :)

Smoking is a choice, so is quitting. Make the right choice, the wise choice. 

I'm sure loads of people, including myself, would be supporting this decision that you are going to make. 

Take that black veil off yourself. Today. :) 

OMBRE VS DIP DYE, MY TWO CENTS

Why, hello there! It's been a long long time since I first had the thoughts of dyeing my hair and I finally got the chance to do it in the most economical and fuss free way possible. (Don't judge me for the photos please LOL)

First thing first, I wanted to go for an ombre dye initially but for that, I would have to go to a trusted salon to get it done. And not just any other salons in the neighbourhood I believe because I tried explaining to a lady at a salon what I wanted but she couldn't get what I was saying at all. I tried to tell her that I wanted an ombre dye and not dip dye but she claimed that ombre dye is dip dyeing your hair but most people wear it with curls so you cannot see the colour transition "line". She kept insisting that there will definitely be a straight line across where the two colours meet FOR SURE. But I did my research and I know that's not the case. Even with straight hair. You do not have to wear your hair in curls even if you get an ombre dye and it will still look really nice and the colour transition should be really gradual with a really smooth gradient. That's EXACTLY what I was looking for. But honestly, I was really skeptical about who is able to provide me with that kind of pretty ombre that I didn't dare to entrust my hair to anyone easily just cos I do not have the most perfect hair to begin with and I didn't have what it takes to take the risk. 

So, I stumbled upon a really talented man, in my point of view and probably in many of his clients' point of view. And he's none other than Guy Tang Check out his video where he creates a really natural and enhancing look for one of his ombre model where she becomes a living prove of really drop dead gorgeous, natural looking, yet absolutely stunning ombre. (Both straight and curly) He is really really good at it and his colour combination really makes me go all jelly and jealous of all his clients and models. I wish I can bump into someone like him too!! I would love to have him colour my hair for me!

Anw, back to what I was saying earlier, I just had my hair dyed, using a box dye that I got from the drugstore and its none other than the Liese bubble hair colour box dye. There are 17 shades to choose from, ranging from vibrant ones to the darker and more subdued hues. Coincidentally, I walked into Watsons and walked away with "Creamy Beige", which is actually one of the newer shades from the yellow brown series. It is significantly lighter than my original hair colour and it really showed up on my hair after dyeing. I would think that the colour pay-off is relatively good BUT, I made a really really huge mistake which made my hair dyeing experience a little failed. 

I totally forgot that the colour pay-off on more damaged hair would not be as vibrant as on healthy hair. And my hair ends are actually very much damaged from rebonding and whatnot over the years but I hadn't wanted to cut it off yet, other than some regular trimming. So, the colour actually showed up too well on the top of my head, which made me end up with an inverse ombre. I don't know if I should be happy about this cos honestly I think it looks very weird even though there really is such a thing called inverse ombre LOL. 

Dyeing process~ Waiting waiting~

Done!

See how the brown shows up only at the top of my head?? I honestly wish the ends fade into a lighter brown so that my "inverse ombre" isn't as obvious. Or maybe the top part of my head can fade back into something nearer to my original hair colour~ 

Hais. With this inverse ombre that is totally unintentional, I can hardly tie my hair back anymore just cos the brown is so much more obvious when I actually tie it back. :(

This is definitely not a very fun hair dye experience but product wise, I am satisfied with the colour pay-off and it doesn't really strip my hair off its moisture, not that there is a lot of moisture to begin with LOL. Do have a go at Liese's bubble hair colour cos its so easy to apply and really fuss free as compared to the ones that you have to apply the cream based ones to your hair. Its almost like washing your hair, except its using hair dye foam. Haha. I was telling my mum to try the darker colours for grey coverage hehe. 

Okay bai~ <3

有时也想要被争取。有时候太努力反而累了自己。