BACK.

Probably ought to be sleeping at this unearthly hour cos i've still got work tomorrow but I guess i'll complete this before I head off to bed. Its sad how 12am is considered as an unearthly hour now that i'm made to devote 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to work. 

It has changed a whole deal of my life and, not gonna complain, I kind of am grateful for it. For one, I feel a whole lot more organised than what I used to be, definitely more responsible as well. Two, I liked how work occupied my thoughts and time for the time being. I'd like to think of it as something that's planned in advance, for me, to have me set a deadline for myself and to just so happen to have my last day of work be on that deadline. My 19th birthday would be the turning point for myself. 

I like to see of it as a healing process/journey that's planned just for me. Its hard to explain but recently everything is just clearer for me and I start to see things in very different perspectives, being significantly more positive on the outlook of life in general. I'm not sure how long I can keep up with this kind of positivity, but at least for now it seems to work. And that's gonna be another whole blogpost all together. 

Well I guess what has been crossing my mind the most recently is this question. When would you like to go back to, if you were given the chance to go back into the past, turn back time and make a change? What would you change? This question has been discussed various times since secondary school days and i've always struggled for an answer, even though i've never told anyone. I still gave an answer to the friend that asked that question but was it really when I wanted to turn back time just to return to? I'm not too sure about that. Recently, this question popped up in my head a lot. Weirdly enough just like what my brain wanted me to do, I began asking myself that. I began searching for an answer within me. Guess doing paper work in the office left too much free time for my head to generate such random thoughts. LOL 

It didn't take me long before I realised that I had an answer to that question already. There's two different periods of my life that i'd like to return to if I had the chance to. First, would be to return to secondary one and re-live it all over once more and savor everything in great detail, just cos it was probably one of the best times of my life. Secondly, i'd like to return back to 2012, when I first entered poly and I would not join fencing. That's the change that i'll make. I would hold onto what I had tighter and be firmer with what I believed in. But I guess things happens and what I think would always be just a thought. The scar will still be there and nothing's gonna change. It's always been a thing in human that we regret the decisions that we make at some point of our lives. That's why there's "what ifs". People say: "In the end, you only regret the chances you didn't take" but what if you regret the chances that you took? I've got no answer to that. LOL Despite everything, i've still got to keep faith and believe that everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be.

xoxo