THE DESIRE TO DO BETTER.

Okay luh I finished work at  about 5:30pm and went to lot 1 to get my facial cleanser and conditioner, aka grocery shopping. Omg totally like auntie alr. Kk whatever~ And I got myself a pandan cheese roll from  bangawan solo and a caramel milk tea from gongcha as a treat for myself. Hehe. FAT TREAT. I feel super fat now to be honest. I hate the fact that this factory job always make me put on so much weight seriously. I feel myself being really bulky now and I honestly HATE myself being like this. Like disgusting only. 

 

To make myself feel better, I went to the library and got myself a book to read. I do miss reading and i'm more than happy to read the borrowed book. Anw diet plan starts again next week its impossible to slim down while working cos I don't eat a lot but I get fat. Like what on earth is this right. I know. -.-

 

Anw i'm stopping work after this week. Like really. Though I really need the money but then I cannot skip trainings anymore. So stress like seriously. Go training also got problem go work also got problem. By doing either one I have to sacrifice money and skills respectively. I swear money issues are the most annoying of all. If we don't need money, I wouldn't have to even go and work. But I need the money to replace some stuff and I didn't want to get it from my mum. I know the financial burden she has now. And there's no way i'm going to add on to it.   

 

Anw I really don't know why on earth am I talking about this now cos this blogpost wasn't supposed to be this lengthy but I feel very stressed lately. Like I feel so burdened by a lot of things. I feel like crying and breaking down when I think about the future. I don't know how far can I bring myself in poly education and I worry for my future. I worry that I cannot find a job good enough for me to give my mum and myself a good and comfortable life. I suddenly wished that I have a sibling to share the responsibility with me and to be with me. But I don't. You might call me stupid to be thinking about this when I haven't even finish poly but I don't know what's wrong with me recently. I've been really down. 

 

I have this strong urge to study well in the coming semester cos there's this young girl who's younger than me by a year at my workplace and she has alr stopped studying just cos she doesn't like studying and I felt really overwhelmed by that fact. We are supposed to and we should study as much as we can in hope to have a better life in the future but she gave up the chance of studying at this prime age and is alr working hard to earn a living. I feel sad sometimes when I see her like this. I really think that this is not giving herself a chance to get to greater heights in her life as well as stepping away from her dreams. And she's not being fair to herself. I'm not trying to be mean here and say that people who do not have enough education will not have a chance of succeeding but lets be practical and face it. How many people can really do it without a certain level of qualifications? I worry for this young lady and really hope that she will change her mind soon and return back to studying. For once, I feel grown-up enough to appreciate the education given to me and i'm blessed and thankful for the opportunities presented to me.  

 

I have the desire to do better. Do you? I hope my enlightenment is a mutual one with every reader. 

 

有上进心是对得起自己人生的行为。我突然领悟到了这一点。

 

Sorry i'm pretty messed up lately. Trying to get things back on track.  

TUMBLR

GAVE UP

Feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden. Like I feel so burdened by a lot of things. I find it so unfair that I have to bear the consequences of someone when clearly we warned him about all that could happen. He refused to heed our advice and continue being so self centered and just ruin his life like that, as if it was that fun to take medicine all the time and bear with the pain of having needles poking at you. 

Like seriously, why should I be burdened like this?? I'm 17 years old, time to venture out and experience life like I never would again. How many times would I get to be 17 again? None! This is my one and only chance but you know what? He has to be standing between my dreams and I, being a complete idiot and not knowing how much trouble he has brought to the people around him. 

I lost all respect for him since-I-don't-know when. People would say hey why be so mean? But all I can say is  that its hard for you to really feel what I feel unless you face people like him. Its insane.

I hate people who do not cherish life and treat everybody's care and concern like rubbish. Why do people like this exist?? He has the opportunity to live and enjoy life but he chose this hard route. Like seriously. -.- Never met anyone as selfish as this alr. I don't even have words to express my anger and indignant anymore.  

I give up.

And so because of him, I really dislike and really don't want to see people around me drink or smoke just cos it was what he did in the past. It turned him into someone that I could no longer rely on and someone who is extremely irresponsible and I don't want people around me to be like him. People like this, one is more than enough. Respect has to be earned. But he failed to earn my respect. And i'm not trying anymore. Enough. 

I know I am being very harsh but really I can stand it no more. I'm just glad that I have my mum with me. As I grew older, despite the arguments that I may have with my mum, I still love her nonetheless. Despite being very conservative, but I still respect her. She's the most important person in my life and i'm thankful for her.

JOB HUNTING

Hello there~ 

Currently hunting for a job and omg its so hard to find one!! I really hate not getting replies from these employers cos I have no idea at all if I should wait for their reply or should I just go ahead and find another job. Its damn irritating!! I sent a msg to one of the "employers" that I found online and was so happy to receive a reply from him/her but when I told him/her that i'm a female, he/she say they only need guys. *pulls hair* Tada~~ Unemployed still. TT

Sigh.  Okay that's all for now.

CANON

I'm honestly not an electric guitar person. Haha. Sorry I can't appreciate it and I feel so mean when people talk to me about it and I have nothing to say about it in return plus I have to add in that I don't really know how to appreciate that instrument and the music that comes out of it. That's really mean huh. I don't mean it in an offending way though!! 

Okay just saying~ The version in the second video is so nice though~ :)

RIGHT NOW

PARANOID

I think being paranoid is plain stupid. But you know what? I do it all the time. -.- 

paranoid + over-thinking and digging at the details of things = shit

I guess it isn't my fault to think that i'm not good enough in anything, anywhere. But then again, who can I blame? Its like the "which comes first? the chicken or the egg?"-type-of question where I do not have an answer to.

Okay sorry just another not so positive night. Hahaha. 

SEEK

Learning to seek perfection from within. Accepting all that you can't change and that's when I know how much it meant.

OMBRE HAIR

I went over to Art Friend to have a look today despite I didn't really have anything in mind that I wanted to buy, but i'm not sure if i've mentioned this before, I really love going to Art Friend to just walk around and have a look at all the amazing art materials that they carry just cos it gives me inspiration for a lot of things. I am definitely not talented in art, visual art I mean, but I do generate a lot of ideas when I enter Art Friend. When I see felt or other textiles, I feel like I can make those pieces of cloths to great use like I could sew them into something for a gift or when I see pieces of wood, I feel like I can make them into ornaments etc. Its just these ideas that flood my mind when i'm in there and I love that feeling. In fact, Libraries can make me have that kind of inspiration too. 

The difference is I guess when i'm in Art Friend, I think a lot about making things and colours and gifts and cards etc. But in the library, I tend to think about really serious stuff like things going on in my life, school, my troubles and whatever feelings and emotions there are at the moment. And amazing enough, I sometimes make decisions in such places. Like the ambiance of the place make me have the inspiration to come up with an idea or a solution to things. 

And so, when I was in Art Friend today, I made a pretty crazy decision of what I am going to do with a little portion of the money that I am most likely going to earn over the 2 months of school vacation. 

That is, i've finally decided to dye my hair. I mean i've been talking about this to some friends and i've been thinking a whole lot about it to myself but I haven't got the chance to get it done cos apparently my mum didn't give the green light for me to ombre dye my hair and I couldn't do it even if I wanted to cos I have financial constraints like I haven't been saving enough for me to actually go for an ombre dye. And having said that i'm going to ombre dye my hair, I really would want to do it at the professionals because its kind of like a major "project" and I really don't want to ruin my hair. Therefore, it is going to cost me pretty much if I am going to do it at some professional hair salon. Plus, I am also going to rebond my hair too so it will add up to pretty much at the end of the day.

If nothing goes wrong, I will be doing my hair at Kimage just cos I think their price range is kind of still affordable for little me. I will still need a few hundred dollars no doubt but I just thought and feel comfortable enough with the idea of entrusting my hair to the team of hair stylists at Kimage. I have actually done some research on Kimage and I know what I want to do with my hair already. I just haven't made that phone call to Kimage to make an appointment. So if nothing goes wrong and I have a job that can provide me a decent income for the vacations, I will most likely (saying most likely here cos I am not too sure about the availability of the job that I supposedly have) be rebonding and dyeing my hair this coming April just before school reopens. 

Really looking forward to my very first hair dyeing experience and I really hope that it will turn out really well. As for what colour I am going for, that's still kind of like a mystery to myself even. Haha I was deciding between blonde or red or some crazy pastel colour but then again, I think that colours like red or blue or green actually does fade out after sometime and its something that i'd hate to see on myself so definitely going to ask about that matter before I do something that I will regret. So currently there's like a higher chance of me bleaching my hair ends blonde. Hehe. 

Okay so this is actually the kind of colour I might be going for. :)

Wonder how my mum is going to react cos i'm not going to tell her about the dyeing part haha such a bad girl right. I just didn't see what is wrong with wanting to dye my hair since i've been having black hair for the past 17 years and I really wanted a change. It doesn't make me a bad girl just by dyeing my hair I am pretty much still me! So I will most likely be doing it without her consent, just like what I did when I pierced my ear for the second time. Well that's what you have to do when you have a really conservative mum haha. Not complaining of course, she's my one and only but it would be good if she can be more open to new things. I just got to adopt a different approach to make her accept things like this. 

Oh and I got caramel milk tea from KOI too heh. I finally realised what's so nice about KOI's milk tea. It just tastes different. In a good way of course. I used to complain all the time saying that Gongcha is so much nicer, but now that I compare both of their caramel milk tea, Wow. There's like a huge difference. And when I do have a craving for milk teas, or when I actually do drink milk tea, I will only go for caramel milk teas or pudding milk teas. Just simply cos I really like the taste of caramel and it just spice up the whole milk tea kind of taste. Btw, i'm someone that really isn't such a huge fan of milk teas at all. Especially teh bing. Like the iced milk tea you order at food courts or coffee shops. I really dislike the taste of that one. Haha. Okay and so I feel that pudding milk tea is an alternative to caramel milk teas cos the pudding that they use is usually caramel flavoured or maybe its vanilla i'm not too sure about that but it does taste pretty similar to caramel to me hehe. See a caramel lover here~ Anw, so if i'm going to get my milk tea from KOI, I will order a caramel milk tea with just 25% sugar level and it taste absolutely perfect. Like perfect sweetness. And if i'm going to Gongcha, I will order a caramel milk tea with pudding but one thing about Gongcha's caramel milk tea is that I don't seem to be able to choose my own sugar level anymore I mean it used to be like a personal choice kind of thing but now, I always don't seem to be able to choose the kind of sweetness I want for my milk tea and my caramel milk tea with pudding always ends up being too sweet. But i'm somehow able to tolerate that so~ The last favourite place that I really like to get my tea from is OK tea. Its not exactly well known I think but they have like pretty amazing pudding fresh milk tea which taste very nicely of caramel and I can choose my own sugar level!  Bonus! But then again, I only go there if I happen to be at Jurong Point so that's kind of a rare treat for myself. :)


K bye~ Enough crapping. ♥

LULLABY

Beautiful.

THE VOW

I just watched a movie online on the very first day of the school vacation. Was so glad that my paper ended yesterday and I felt the tension melt away from me as soon as the paper ended. It doesn't feel like i've done extremely well but i've taken a lot of things a lot lightly then before. I think i've learned to take things easy well not in a bad way of course. 

Okay enough of the exams. Such a serious topic to talk about. 

As I mentioned, I watched a movie titled "The vow" and i'm so touched by the movie and really glad that there is a happy ending to it. 

The vow is a romance directed by Michael Sucsy, starring Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, based on the true story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter who wrote a book about their marriage, which was also titled "The vow".

After an accident, Paige (Rachel McAdams) lose all her memories with her husband, Leo (Channing Tatum), when she woke up in a hospital. Leo tried to regain Paige's memory by doing all that he could and was by her side as long as she needed him, hoping that Paige would fall for him again as she did before the accident that took her memories away. 

However, as time passed, not only did Paige not recall anything regarding her time with Leo, she did not find herself falling in love with him as what he expected. Paige was a changed person and when Leo finally gave up and let Paige go, they divorced. 

Going separate ways, leading the life that seemingly belongs to them, Paige slowly found herself quitting law school and enrolling into the Arts Institute and moving into the city. Exactly what she did before her memory was lost and when she found Leo. She never regained her memory but she fell in love with the man that she once vowed to live with, again, willingly, despite being separated by the challenges faced by them both during the period of memory loss. 

Its so bittersweet in a sense that I find it so heartbreaking to watch when Paige did not reciprocate Leo's love and commitment to the marriage and responsibility that he vowed to protect. But then again so awfully glad when they find their way back to each other unknowingly like its all fated. So their vows towards each other is valid after all. And that's really the heartwarming part to see them so in love.

Leo: " I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. "

Paige: " I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree about red velvet cake, to live within the warmth of your heart, and always call it home. "

Yes. "To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not."

♥

MY BRACE FACE HISTORY

Yooohoooo~ Just felt like doing a random brace face history to "commemorate" my new set of teeth HAHAHA.. I know its really random but this sudden inspiration isn't without reason! 

I was watching a video on Youtube and the girl in the video mentioned something about giving yourself a change and basically just going ahead and do anything that makes you feel good about yourself and to bring a little change to make you have the "start afresh" feel. So one of the thing she mentioned was to go and have braces, which I believe was what she did in the past to bring about that change in her. According to her, having braces makes you feel so much better about yourself. You feel so much more confident about your smile and your general appearance. To be honest, I agree to that statement to like a hundred percent. I am really really really grateful for my smile now, despite it isn't the best set of teeth in the entire universe but still... Heh.

Never used to love smiling with my teeth but now, I totally ADORE smiling with my teeth. Whole set of teeth that is. I used to have the most crooked front teeth ever and my teeth used to be like super small I don't know why. But after almost two whole years of living with my braces, I finally achieved the kind of teeth that i've always dreamed of having. You know what? Its all worth the aching, money and time. (I won't say pain here cos it really didn't hurt that much throughout the entire process) Trust me. I still kind of miss having braces cos ultimately it has been two long years and i've grown to live with it and its kind of like an essential part of what I am. Hahaha. 

It is a life changing procedure to me and I will strongly encourage anyone with teeth that are not nicely spaced or arranged and are concerned or self conscious about it to go and get braces. Its definitely not cheap, costing up to a few thousand dollars for the entire treatment but really, save and go for it. Its worth it to make yourself feel good about yourself and your entire being. And once in a while look into the mirror and feel that hey at least there's a part of myself that I find kind of pleasant to look at. Well, referring to people with low self esteem like me duh~ 

I pleaded really long, for like a few years I think, before my mum actually brought me to the orthodontist when I was in secondary 3. It felt like a dream come true and I never feared dentists from then on cos I know what changes it can bring to me. 

So really its alright to change a little of what you are not pleased with to a relatively acceptable extent and be feel good about yourself. Might not make you feel super pretty all the time but its that once in a while kind of thing now and then that keeps us going I guess. Heh. :)

Oh ya happy belated valentine's! ♥

Still having exams till next tuesday so wish me luck! Can't wait for exams to be over cos I feel extremely tired omg. Haha but oh well~ Its not the first time facing with this anw! Will be back again after the exams! :D

♥ 

PHOTO INSPIRATION OF THE DAY

Working my way towards this ultimate goal. With the happiest mentality ever. :)

PUG PUP

Helen's pug pup is coming over to my house for CNY and tmr's the big dayyy~ Excited! :D 

*Can't wait*

SHOULDN'T BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR

I want to lose weight merely cos I want 

to look good in clothes..

to feel good about myself.. 

to give my self esteem a little boost..

to prove judgmental people wrong..

is that really too much to ask for? o.o

Being in fencing didn't make me thinner but it made me a little more muscular that what I used to be. Is this what I really want?? I find myself being too masculine is kind of a major turn off to me haha. Not regretting that I made a dream come true but worrying if this is what i'm willing to sacrifice for that dream. Well human definitely is contradicting huh? 

Running more definitely~ I don't have to have big muscles. I just need my fats to go away!!! Plus it really sucks when you have judgmental relatives that tell you "YOU ARE FAT" straight in your face.-.- What makes you think that i'll forever be this chubby??

It doesn't seem too much to ask for I guess.

2I1 AWESOME PEOPLE, HALF A DECADE AND STILL COUNTING

Yesterday was a 2i1 gathering at Ngee Ann and it was like awesome so I wanted to dedicate a blogpost just for that memorable few hours that we spent together. :)

Despite the fact that not all 40 members of 2i1 was present ytd, we still had lots and lots of fun. In fact fun is not even enough to describe the kind of joy and overwhelming feeling when we get back together again after so long and the bond that we fostered since 5 years ago is still standing strong and it really just makes me feel really warm and at the same time really gratified to be blessed to be part of such an awesome class. In fact I feel like we are like a family instead of a class. Cliche I know but still~ 

I still remember the way we were bonded together and how we always are together. Its amazing how in that first 2 years of our lives in secondary school had molded us, probably into who we kind of are now. Its very amazing cos we didn't know each other at all and the chemistry just took action and over time, we somehow became as one. Through that 2 years, the joy, laughter, tears, all that crazy jokes and insane time together, its really not that easy to be forgotten. 

Its definitely very heartwarming to think about the past and to hope for the future. Half a decade now and hoping that our 2i1 bond will keep growing, stand stronger than ever and we will be able to remain present as one in the rest of the chapters in our lives. :)

♥

ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH

Went to Orchard to shop for CNY clothings ytd and happened to meet Helen and her friend there so we ended up shopping together and I went to Abercrombie and Fitch for the first time. The impression I had for the brand even before I went there to have a look ytd was of course the very well toned men working there, which everyone a;ready knows so I don't have to elaborate anymore on that, and also the signature scent that they have in the shop, "Fierce".

I haven't smelt it before cos there isn't anyone around me that I know of, that is using that fragrance, but i've heard about it before through youtube videos and I actually have been really really curious about their signature scent. Finally got the chance to smell it ytd and to my surprise, I wasn't too impressed by how it smelt. I mean it smelled quite nice but there's a hint of something that I can't really name and I didn't really like that scent of it. It might be cos there was a lot of people in the shop ytd and you know when scents get mixed up with all sorts of other smells, it can get altered petty much from what it  initially smelled like. So its not really nasty, in fact it was pretty comfortable to smell but its just that something that I can't put a name to. 

Anw, the whole shop was super super loud and dark omg. Our ears were blasting with music and the lighting was so dark. It was also SO loud we can actually hardly hear each other's voices. Haha. Didn't manage to really find anything from Abercrombie & Fitch so I left the shop empty handed but oh well it was indeed an experience~

So in the end I shopped for about 8 hours omg. And bought a pair of super skinny jeans from Bershka and a tank top from Forever 21. Very satisfied~~ Now i'm prepared for CNY! Oh ya Helen bought the same tank top too! Our BFF shirt~ Yayyyyy.<3 (very pretty too. all thanks to helen's taste) :P

K bye!

。

这种不安的感觉。。我不要。

RAGDOLL CATS AND A LITTLE UPDATE

Never have I thought I would ever want a cat so badly. I was never a cat person. I don't feel anything special in particular when I see cats especially what I would call tabby cats. Like the ones you see on the road. Neither do I like Persian cats even though they may look really elegant with their poufy fur etc. Anyway, i'm just a really dog person from deep down within. Loved dogs since I was young and has always hoped to be able to adopt one when I have the financial abilities to do so. Giving a dog from the shelter a new life is probably what I aim to do. Not saying that I wouldn't consider buying a new pup but oh well it has to depends on a lot of factors I guess. Anw, its still way too early to even talk about this right now. Okay. So, I was chatting with Helen on the phone just now cos apparently I missed her call ytd evening and suddenly remembered to call her back today. And she brought up the issue of looking after her new pug pup for a few days as she returns back to Malaysia for chinese new year. I was elated. Of course I would look after her pug pup for her! Never have I dreamed to be able to experience this at all. It is a whole ton of responsibilities but I think I would be fine. If nothing goes wrong or nothing changes, I would be helping her look after her pup for 4 days and i'm really looking forward to it. It would be a whole lot better if it wasn't near the exams periods.

Coming back to the topic on cats, the only cat that I ever loved would be the Lion of course, king of the jungle. Such a majestic animal.<3 But right now, aside from the Lion, I would love love love to get a ragdoll cat for a pet. Its the first time that I actually found an alternative to a dog that I really want to have. OMG let me tell you the ragdoll cat is just an absolutely gorgeous breed of cat. the black patch on their faces looks so distinct and their poufy bodies!!! *ahhhhhhhhhh* Ragdoll cats grow up to a considerably large size too. Which is probably why I like it so much! I've seen some with blue eyes before and those are really pretty. Don't seem to see these cats often in singapore though. I'm just hoping that there are ragdoll cats over here.. But then again. I have this feeling that its going to be real expensive cat though. Haha.

 

Oh ya! went to Island Creamery to look for my red velvet cake this evening but couldn't find. :( But had brownies with apple pie ice cream though! :D

K that's all bye! 

《爱~与天使有约》 分享会

 

《爱~与天使有约》 分享会在今天，2013年1月26日， 圆满落幕。 

一早就非常期待的我，在离分享会开始的45分钟前就已经到达学校。因为时间还早所以便去吃个午餐再到登记处登记。心里的感觉是复杂的。也不晓得为何参加分享会前的感觉是如此的乱。原以为独自一人安静地吃午餐，会因为要细细咀嚼食物而忘记心中的烦。很可惜的，并没有。

1点55分，我乘搭了电梯到达登记处。拿到了入门票，心中涌上了一种莫名的兴奋，即使我是一个人。换作以前的我，我是绝对不可能一个人去参加任何的活动。没想到我这次想也不想地便上网为自己报名。出席这次的分享会，我并没有因为是自己一个人而感到恐惧。

2点15分， 出席的人都陆陆续续进场。音乐厅里并没有很宽敞，却挺舒适的。在里头呆坐了近45分钟吧，分享会终于在3点整正式开始。 

曾咏霖首先为大家带来了一首王宏恩的《月光》， 顿时让大家的心定下来。随后，奕华妈妈出现了，向我们分享了 Love Life 纪录片里的3位小女生勇敢抗癌的故事，并也简约地介绍了家彣，Dora 和奕华。

 

整个分享会下来，看得出背后的辛苦，也更能体会所谓珍爱生命，永不放弃的精神。难以忍耐的泪水多次在分享会的时候毫不留情地夺眶而出。也不难听到身边很多的啜泣声。黑暗中的我，边细细聆听奕华妈妈诉说的点点滴滴，边不断的掉泪。听得出她是有多么的爱奕华， 对奕华的思念又有多浓。奕华妈妈在奕华过世3天后写的信真真实实地透露了她心中的不舍，同时却欣慰奕华已经脱离痛苦，到幸福快乐的天国去了。

纪录片里的妈妈们和3位抗癌小战士都是最勇敢的。她们以自己短暂的余生向大家分享了很多很多的爱，感化了很多很多的心灵。即使她们都已离开我们，可是她们的故事仍然还在，还在不停的为她们继续散发更多更多的爱与希望。 希望会有更多人更懂得珍爱自己的生命，抱着永不放弃的精神来面对眼前的挑战。因为奕华妈妈说得很对。“有什么会比自己的生命遭受到威胁还来得可怕的？” “关关难过关关过” 没有什么事是解决不了的。一定要勇敢，船到桥头自然便会直。

心灵上的感动是最深刻的。今天的我, 再次受到 Love Life 的感动与心灵上的启发。我, 比以往更珍惜生命, 更热爱生命。会尽我微薄的力量，来尝试为3位勇敢的朋友活得更精彩。希望, 也仍然相信 Love Life 的精神会不断延伸到世界各地的人们心中, 感化更多人的心灵。让这个世界更有爱, 更懂得珍爱生命, 永不放弃。

我，周珏如，

珍爱生命，永不放弃。

我， Love Life. 

*L*

心里是这样想的

称赞是给予我的鼓励。

批评是赐予我的激励。

不要把称赞看得太重。虚假的称赞只会蒙蔽自己的眼睛。这只是现实。明知道自己不够好，然而却又得到称赞，表面开心之余，心里会不禁感慨。为何世间如此美丽，却要被人类的虚情假意所污秽？又或许你可以说这并不是虚情假意，而是别人给你的鼓励。只是换了另外一种鼓励你的方式。所以说，别人的称赞也许是给予我的一种鼓励。鼓励，并不是必然的。是他人赠送给我们的。是个礼物。

相对的，批评又何尝不是件好事？因为批评虽说难听得难以入耳，我却学会了要常常提醒自己不要被他人的批评影响到。把批评变成一种激励，让批评你的人觉得自己的眼光错了，证明风水轮流转的道理。批评往往都能激起我心中的那一丁点愤怒。就是这种小小的愤怒，让我有更加努力的动力。狮子座的我最痛恨他人的藐视眼光，愚昧的嘲笑。我都会觉得“你凭什么？”我承认我不是最优秀的。可再怎么不够好也不至于得忍受如此的态度。不过，我倒不至于因为这样而讨厌一个人。只要你是对事论事，我也一样对事不对人。所以尽管放心吧！把批评看成是一种激励自己的方式，对我而言似乎就像是一种赏赐。比称赞还要来的值得収进心里，比赠送给我们的礼物还要“更高格调”的赏赐。像是皇上赏赐的一样。

我心里是这样想的。

《爱，与天使有约》

I'm really really excited about this event held on the 26th January 2013 in Ngee Ann Polytechinc. Its one of my fencing senior's FYP final showcase and I registered for a ticket to be part of the event and to witness the final showcase. I registered quite some time ago I think and didn't think that i'll actually have the chance to go cos I thought that there'll probably be overwhelming response for that particular event. But today when I logged into my mail, I was SO excited to see the confirmation email for a seat during their final showcase!! I can't explain my excitement but it's not without reason. 

I got to know about the Love Life project since quite some time ago and even dedicated a really long and wordy blogpost just before I deleted everything and had a 'makeover', which I think its the stupidest thing i've ever done cos that was so much memories but oh well. The point is, I was really moved by the whole documentary of the 3 young girls who are now no longer with us but their heartwarming story of perseverance and cherishing life, fighting till the very end live on within us. It was an inspiring documentary that I strongly encourage people to spend the time watching. It changed my entire outlook of life and inspired me to face challenges bravely and to constantly remind myself that I should never give up when things don't go my way because despite so, I am still blessed with the opportunity to wake up to a new day every morning and have the time to achieve so much in life. These little challenges cannot be compared to the pain and dejection the 3 young girls have to face while fighting against their illness. If they can fight on bravely till the very end, why can't I? Why can't we? All we have to do is to make every day count, make every effort count. 

So, when I found out that my senior was doing the Love Life Singapore project for her FYP, I was literally so excited. I was really happy that the message of cherishing life and never giving up is being spread to fellow Singaporeans, to you and I. By spreading the Love Life spirit, I believe that it will inspire many others out there that may be dejected and feel defeated cos of whatever reasons, and be a motivation and inspiration for them to stand up again and face whatever shit that is in front of them. I respect them for spreading the message of Love Life and giving me the rare opportunity to witness and be part of such a meaningful event. I'm definitely looking forward to the 26th January 2013 where i'll be able to realise once again, how beautiful life is and how blessed we are. :)

Sharing the complete documentary again. :)

Love Life. Live Life.

BOOK TIME~ 《未完成的邂逅》 BY 林詠琛

I've been trying to pick up some good reading habits again since I haven't been reading alot lately. Not to say that I have really good reading habits in the past but I definitely read more books when I was in secondary school. Haven't been continuing with the "silent reading" habit ever since I entered poly and I thought its really bad.

I actually do enjoy reading reading when I was younger and I love to go to the library near my house and soak up the aroma of shelves and shelves of books, or even picking up a book in the library and flip through the yellowing pages, absorbing the "energy" from it. Its this comfy and fuzzy feeling that surrounds old books in the library that satisfies me. It is where I feel immense silence and peace from. The library is like a personal space when i can just look out for good books that interest me and it calms me from within. I don't think I have a very deep connection with books but I do enjoy reading when I have the time and the short trips to the library refreshes me and brings back inner peace when life gets too hectic at times. (I don't mean some chim chim inner peace here but just the literal meaning, if I even make sense haha) 

Recently i've been to the library a few times but failed to find any book that interest me. (I can spend hours in the library just finding books but yet leave empty handed at the end of the day) However, I found a book yesterday and its called : 《未完成的邂逅》 by 林詠琛. I thought it is a very simple read that I can get myself started with reading all over again. I didn't want to start with something very wordy and end up reading only half of it. 

Okay so 《未完成的邂逅》 is a book with a few short stories inside, which totally explains why I chose this book cos I love short stories. Some of it includes : 第三者 (the third party)，0.1秒奔向你 (towards you in 0.1 second)，魔性之女 (the female of fairy-hood)，动画恋人 (animation lover)，制造回忆 (creating memories)，米雪儿 (snow grains?? o.o)，捉迷藏 (hide and seek)，音乐椅 (musical chair)，未完成的邂逅 (incomplete meeting)。(its funny how some of the translated meaning turned out to be but oh well~ its kind of fun to include it in haha)

So from the titles it already showed that 《未完成的邂逅》 is purely on romance. (as usual) I am never the type of person that would read books on mystery or violence. I'm a pure romance kind of person and the only genre of books you'll find with me is probably romance and nothing but romance. Not that I am particularly against the other book genres but I guess it just had to do with me being extremely sentimental. Its this part of me that i've grown with and I doubt its possible to change that part of me. Even the reason behind me reading the twilight series is also cos of the romance part between edward cullen and bella swan. So now you know. Haha.

I've currently only finished reading 第三者 (the third party), the very first short story of that book and I thought I really liked it. Simply put, its about this girl being separated from her other half due to the presence of a third party and after some time, this ex couple met again but their connection can never be the same as before anymore cos the boy is married with that "third party" but yet they are still in love. And so this girl became the third party now.

Anw its just this triangle thinggy that you see often but there was a sentence from this story that I liked and left an impression in me. "某些人的爱情，只能以扭曲的形态存活。" (some emotions can only exist in distortion) and I just find it so sad with the word "distortion". Shouldn't it exist in a most simple and pleasant way possible? It is a gift given to us and we are blessed with it but why should it exist distorted? It should be a beautiful thing. That was my opinion and some of my thoughts when I was reading it on the super long bus trip to toa payoh yesterday. 

And so I wanted to start a reading regime that I can follow at my own time and own target, take my time to read and understand the content of the book. I may not have to reach the book at a very deep level cos there isn't any right or wrong when it comes to reading. It just serves as a chance for me to think about the lessons that we may learn from the books that we read and that the fact that books can give us a whole lot of fortune not in the form of money. Now that I think of it, I can say that other than romance, I do like books that I can walk away with an opinion or a lesson learned. It brings yourself to greater levels when you think more.

Well, of course, this is what I think and I like to put my thoughts and feelings into words where I may not have the ability to express verbally. :)

 

Reading is my escape from reality.

So I guess that's pretty much it! Cheers! :)

NP OPEN HOUSE 2013

It's Ngee Ann Polytechnic's open house on the 5, 7 and 8 January 2013! And it's the first time that i'm engaging in the open house as a student helper and not an outsider. Hahaha what am I talking about, i'm a first year student of course its my first time! Okay luh I was a student helper at LSCT on saturday, the first day of NP's open house and there were a lot of people and I had quite some fun while "promoting" NP and LSCT courses. HAHA. 

I wasn't very keen on helping out for the open house initially cos I thought it would be very boring and stuff like that. Plus, i'm never the kind that love to talk so interaction would be a little difficult huh. But, surprisingly, I had a whole lot of fun on saturday. I started off weird and awkward but towards the end, I knew what I was doing and had an idea of how to "promote" my school. Talking to the secondary 4 students wasn't as difficult as it seems and I found out that I actually really liked to talk to strangers and my friend was like asking me to go do sales. Haha. I know this sounds extremely contradicting to who I think I am supposed to be so don't ask me why cos I don't actually know too. Hahaha. 

Anw, I was nearing the end of my shift when I encountered this secondary 4 girl in a white top. I went over to her and expected her to be just like everybody else, listen to me talk crap about LSCT and then just walk away. But, surprising enough, I thought she might want a guided tour and I offered my help as a "tour guide". She gladly accepted my offer and I was like wow. She has this weird thing about her that made me feel so comfortable and we actually started talking and it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Never did I thought that I would be her personal guide through all the stations of LSCT and I actually went around with her for more than an hour! I didn't even know her at first! Brought her to CBE's booth and looked at the liquid nitrogen demonstration cos I had to promote my course a little and went to VBS's booth where she got to play with the pets there. She was such a bubbly girl that I can't help but feel instantly like a friend of mine. Then at BMS's booth, she actually made me prick my finger and tested for my blood group and glucose level in my blood. I didn't want to but she made me do it!! This is where I felt that its so weird! How on earth did I become so comfortable with a stranger that I just got to know?!?! I still don't understand. Haha. And when we actually finished with LSCT, she wanted to move on to HS to have a look at optometry and weird enough, I told her i'll guide her there too. And we tested our eyes at HS, again she made me try out everything that she tried!

So all in all, the strange encounter with the girl one year younger than me was so amazing. I really want to be friends with her in real life and I hope we would. Even though we are now only friends on facebook, but I believe I can get to know her from there. It's definitely not something that I will usually do but i''m actually doing it. So now you know what I mean by weird. Haha. Just because of one guided tour, I got to know her and felt like we can be friends. What is this I don't know. Some kind of affinity I guess. Its like i'm guided to her and we are supposed to be friends. Haha sound so dramatic I know. But its just a nice feeling. Heh. Guess it's her bubbly character and outgoing personality that attracted me? :)

I hope I don't make myself sound like some weird psychopath omg hahaha I don't mean it in any weird way but its really hard to explain the feeling.:P Anw i'm glad to know her and that I hope she has had as much fun as I had on saturday.^^

Oh ya and she is the very first person that commented that i'm very outgoing. Omg. What on earth is happening!! Never have anyone used outgoing on me in the past 17 years of my life. It really is crazy! Very crazy! I thank my lucky stars for letting me meet her on that saturday. :)

 

Okay bye! :)

HAPPY 2013

Happy girl on the very first day of 2013, the very first second too. I don't know what's with the cat's photo but its so cute! Hahaha. 

Happy New Year! ♥ 

2013 is going to be really great. :)