TIRED

 Tumblr post - Tired

THE DESIRE TO DO BETTER.

Okay luh I finished work at  about 5:30pm and went to lot 1 to get my facial cleanser and conditioner, aka grocery shopping. Omg totally like auntie alr. Kk whatever~ And I got myself a pandan cheese roll from  bangawan solo and a caramel milk tea from gongcha as a treat for myself. Hehe. FAT TREAT. I feel super fat now to be honest. I hate the fact that this factory job always make me put on so much weight seriously. I feel myself being really bulky now and I honestly HATE myself being like this. Like disgusting only. 

 

To make myself feel better, I went to the library and got myself a book to read. I do miss reading and i'm more than happy to read the borrowed book. Anw diet plan starts again next week its impossible to slim down while working cos I don't eat a lot but I get fat. Like what on earth is this right. I know. -.-

 

Anw i'm stopping work after this week. Like really. Though I really need the money but then I cannot skip trainings anymore. So stress like seriously. Go training also got problem go work also got problem. By doing either one I have to sacrifice money and skills respectively. I swear money issues are the most annoying of all. If we don't need money, I wouldn't have to even go and work. But I need the money to replace some stuff and I didn't want to get it from my mum. I know the financial burden she has now. And there's no way i'm going to add on to it.   

 

Anw I really don't know why on earth am I talking about this now cos this blogpost wasn't supposed to be this lengthy but I feel very stressed lately. Like I feel so burdened by a lot of things. I feel like crying and breaking down when I think about the future. I don't know how far can I bring myself in poly education and I worry for my future. I worry that I cannot find a job good enough for me to give my mum and myself a good and comfortable life. I suddenly wished that I have a sibling to share the responsibility with me and to be with me. But I don't. You might call me stupid to be thinking about this when I haven't even finish poly but I don't know what's wrong with me recently. I've been really down. 

 

I have this strong urge to study well in the coming semester cos there's this young girl who's younger than me by a year at my workplace and she has alr stopped studying just cos she doesn't like studying and I felt really overwhelmed by that fact. We are supposed to and we should study as much as we can in hope to have a better life in the future but she gave up the chance of studying at this prime age and is alr working hard to earn a living. I feel sad sometimes when I see her like this. I really think that this is not giving herself a chance to get to greater heights in her life as well as stepping away from her dreams. And she's not being fair to herself. I'm not trying to be mean here and say that people who do not have enough education will not have a chance of succeeding but lets be practical and face it. How many people can really do it without a certain level of qualifications? I worry for this young lady and really hope that she will change her mind soon and return back to studying. For once, I feel grown-up enough to appreciate the education given to me and i'm blessed and thankful for the opportunities presented to me.  

 

I have the desire to do better. Do you? I hope my enlightenment is a mutual one with every reader. 

 

有上进心是对得起自己人生的行为。我突然领悟到了这一点。

 

Sorry i'm pretty messed up lately. Trying to get things back on track.  

TUMBLR

GAVE UP

Feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden. Like I feel so burdened by a lot of things. I find it so unfair that I have to bear the consequences of someone when clearly we warned him about all that could happen. He refused to heed our advice and continue being so self centered and just ruin his life like that, as if it was that fun to take medicine all the time and bear with the pain of having needles poking at you. 

Like seriously, why should I be burdened like this?? I'm 17 years old, time to venture out and experience life like I never would again. How many times would I get to be 17 again? None! This is my one and only chance but you know what? He has to be standing between my dreams and I, being a complete idiot and not knowing how much trouble he has brought to the people around him. 

I lost all respect for him since-I-don't-know when. People would say hey why be so mean? But all I can say is  that its hard for you to really feel what I feel unless you face people like him. Its insane.

I hate people who do not cherish life and treat everybody's care and concern like rubbish. Why do people like this exist?? He has the opportunity to live and enjoy life but he chose this hard route. Like seriously. -.- Never met anyone as selfish as this alr. I don't even have words to express my anger and indignant anymore.  

I give up.

And so because of him, I really dislike and really don't want to see people around me drink or smoke just cos it was what he did in the past. It turned him into someone that I could no longer rely on and someone who is extremely irresponsible and I don't want people around me to be like him. People like this, one is more than enough. Respect has to be earned. But he failed to earn my respect. And i'm not trying anymore. Enough. 

I know I am being very harsh but really I can stand it no more. I'm just glad that I have my mum with me. As I grew older, despite the arguments that I may have with my mum, I still love her nonetheless. Despite being very conservative, but I still respect her. She's the most important person in my life and i'm thankful for her.

JOB HUNTING

Hello there~ 

Currently hunting for a job and omg its so hard to find one!! I really hate not getting replies from these employers cos I have no idea at all if I should wait for their reply or should I just go ahead and find another job. Its damn irritating!! I sent a msg to one of the "employers" that I found online and was so happy to receive a reply from him/her but when I told him/her that i'm a female, he/she say they only need guys. *pulls hair* Tada~~ Unemployed still. TT

Sigh.  Okay that's all for now.

CANON

I'm honestly not an electric guitar person. Haha. Sorry I can't appreciate it and I feel so mean when people talk to me about it and I have nothing to say about it in return plus I have to add in that I don't really know how to appreciate that instrument and the music that comes out of it. That's really mean huh. I don't mean it in an offending way though!! 

Okay just saying~ The version in the second video is so nice though~ :)

RIGHT NOW