PARANOID

I think being paranoid is plain stupid. But you know what? I do it all the time. -.- 

paranoid + over-thinking and digging at the details of things = shit

I guess it isn't my fault to think that i'm not good enough in anything, anywhere. But then again, who can I blame? Its like the "which comes first? the chicken or the egg?"-type-of question where I do not have an answer to.

Okay sorry just another not so positive night. Hahaha. 

SEEK

Learning to seek perfection from within. Accepting all that you can't change and that's when I know how much it meant.

OMBRE HAIR

I went over to Art Friend to have a look today despite I didn't really have anything in mind that I wanted to buy, but i'm not sure if i've mentioned this before, I really love going to Art Friend to just walk around and have a look at all the amazing art materials that they carry just cos it gives me inspiration for a lot of things. I am definitely not talented in art, visual art I mean, but I do generate a lot of ideas when I enter Art Friend. When I see felt or other textiles, I feel like I can make those pieces of cloths to great use like I could sew them into something for a gift or when I see pieces of wood, I feel like I can make them into ornaments etc. Its just these ideas that flood my mind when i'm in there and I love that feeling. In fact, Libraries can make me have that kind of inspiration too. 

The difference is I guess when i'm in Art Friend, I think a lot about making things and colours and gifts and cards etc. But in the library, I tend to think about really serious stuff like things going on in my life, school, my troubles and whatever feelings and emotions there are at the moment. And amazing enough, I sometimes make decisions in such places. Like the ambiance of the place make me have the inspiration to come up with an idea or a solution to things. 

And so, when I was in Art Friend today, I made a pretty crazy decision of what I am going to do with a little portion of the money that I am most likely going to earn over the 2 months of school vacation. 

That is, i've finally decided to dye my hair. I mean i've been talking about this to some friends and i've been thinking a whole lot about it to myself but I haven't got the chance to get it done cos apparently my mum didn't give the green light for me to ombre dye my hair and I couldn't do it even if I wanted to cos I have financial constraints like I haven't been saving enough for me to actually go for an ombre dye. And having said that i'm going to ombre dye my hair, I really would want to do it at the professionals because its kind of like a major "project" and I really don't want to ruin my hair. Therefore, it is going to cost me pretty much if I am going to do it at some professional hair salon. Plus, I am also going to rebond my hair too so it will add up to pretty much at the end of the day.

If nothing goes wrong, I will be doing my hair at Kimage just cos I think their price range is kind of still affordable for little me. I will still need a few hundred dollars no doubt but I just thought and feel comfortable enough with the idea of entrusting my hair to the team of hair stylists at Kimage. I have actually done some research on Kimage and I know what I want to do with my hair already. I just haven't made that phone call to Kimage to make an appointment. So if nothing goes wrong and I have a job that can provide me a decent income for the vacations, I will most likely (saying most likely here cos I am not too sure about the availability of the job that I supposedly have) be rebonding and dyeing my hair this coming April just before school reopens. 

Really looking forward to my very first hair dyeing experience and I really hope that it will turn out really well. As for what colour I am going for, that's still kind of like a mystery to myself even. Haha I was deciding between blonde or red or some crazy pastel colour but then again, I think that colours like red or blue or green actually does fade out after sometime and its something that i'd hate to see on myself so definitely going to ask about that matter before I do something that I will regret. So currently there's like a higher chance of me bleaching my hair ends blonde. Hehe. 

Okay so this is actually the kind of colour I might be going for. :)

Wonder how my mum is going to react cos i'm not going to tell her about the dyeing part haha such a bad girl right. I just didn't see what is wrong with wanting to dye my hair since i've been having black hair for the past 17 years and I really wanted a change. It doesn't make me a bad girl just by dyeing my hair I am pretty much still me! So I will most likely be doing it without her consent, just like what I did when I pierced my ear for the second time. Well that's what you have to do when you have a really conservative mum haha. Not complaining of course, she's my one and only but it would be good if she can be more open to new things. I just got to adopt a different approach to make her accept things like this. 

Oh and I got caramel milk tea from KOI too heh. I finally realised what's so nice about KOI's milk tea. It just tastes different. In a good way of course. I used to complain all the time saying that Gongcha is so much nicer, but now that I compare both of their caramel milk tea, Wow. There's like a huge difference. And when I do have a craving for milk teas, or when I actually do drink milk tea, I will only go for caramel milk teas or pudding milk teas. Just simply cos I really like the taste of caramel and it just spice up the whole milk tea kind of taste. Btw, i'm someone that really isn't such a huge fan of milk teas at all. Especially teh bing. Like the iced milk tea you order at food courts or coffee shops. I really dislike the taste of that one. Haha. Okay and so I feel that pudding milk tea is an alternative to caramel milk teas cos the pudding that they use is usually caramel flavoured or maybe its vanilla i'm not too sure about that but it does taste pretty similar to caramel to me hehe. See a caramel lover here~ Anw, so if i'm going to get my milk tea from KOI, I will order a caramel milk tea with just 25% sugar level and it taste absolutely perfect. Like perfect sweetness. And if i'm going to Gongcha, I will order a caramel milk tea with pudding but one thing about Gongcha's caramel milk tea is that I don't seem to be able to choose my own sugar level anymore I mean it used to be like a personal choice kind of thing but now, I always don't seem to be able to choose the kind of sweetness I want for my milk tea and my caramel milk tea with pudding always ends up being too sweet. But i'm somehow able to tolerate that so~ The last favourite place that I really like to get my tea from is OK tea. Its not exactly well known I think but they have like pretty amazing pudding fresh milk tea which taste very nicely of caramel and I can choose my own sugar level!  Bonus! But then again, I only go there if I happen to be at Jurong Point so that's kind of a rare treat for myself. :)


K bye~ Enough crapping. ♥

LULLABY

Beautiful.

THE VOW

I just watched a movie online on the very first day of the school vacation. Was so glad that my paper ended yesterday and I felt the tension melt away from me as soon as the paper ended. It doesn't feel like i've done extremely well but i've taken a lot of things a lot lightly then before. I think i've learned to take things easy well not in a bad way of course. 

Okay enough of the exams. Such a serious topic to talk about. 

As I mentioned, I watched a movie titled "The vow" and i'm so touched by the movie and really glad that there is a happy ending to it. 

The vow is a romance directed by Michael Sucsy, starring Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, based on the true story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter who wrote a book about their marriage, which was also titled "The vow".

After an accident, Paige (Rachel McAdams) lose all her memories with her husband, Leo (Channing Tatum), when she woke up in a hospital. Leo tried to regain Paige's memory by doing all that he could and was by her side as long as she needed him, hoping that Paige would fall for him again as she did before the accident that took her memories away. 

However, as time passed, not only did Paige not recall anything regarding her time with Leo, she did not find herself falling in love with him as what he expected. Paige was a changed person and when Leo finally gave up and let Paige go, they divorced. 

Going separate ways, leading the life that seemingly belongs to them, Paige slowly found herself quitting law school and enrolling into the Arts Institute and moving into the city. Exactly what she did before her memory was lost and when she found Leo. She never regained her memory but she fell in love with the man that she once vowed to live with, again, willingly, despite being separated by the challenges faced by them both during the period of memory loss. 

Its so bittersweet in a sense that I find it so heartbreaking to watch when Paige did not reciprocate Leo's love and commitment to the marriage and responsibility that he vowed to protect. But then again so awfully glad when they find their way back to each other unknowingly like its all fated. So their vows towards each other is valid after all. And that's really the heartwarming part to see them so in love.

Leo: " I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. "

Paige: " I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree about red velvet cake, to live within the warmth of your heart, and always call it home. "

Yes. "To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not."

♥

MY BRACE FACE HISTORY

Yooohoooo~ Just felt like doing a random brace face history to "commemorate" my new set of teeth HAHAHA.. I know its really random but this sudden inspiration isn't without reason! 

I was watching a video on Youtube and the girl in the video mentioned something about giving yourself a change and basically just going ahead and do anything that makes you feel good about yourself and to bring a little change to make you have the "start afresh" feel. So one of the thing she mentioned was to go and have braces, which I believe was what she did in the past to bring about that change in her. According to her, having braces makes you feel so much better about yourself. You feel so much more confident about your smile and your general appearance. To be honest, I agree to that statement to like a hundred percent. I am really really really grateful for my smile now, despite it isn't the best set of teeth in the entire universe but still... Heh.

Never used to love smiling with my teeth but now, I totally ADORE smiling with my teeth. Whole set of teeth that is. I used to have the most crooked front teeth ever and my teeth used to be like super small I don't know why. But after almost two whole years of living with my braces, I finally achieved the kind of teeth that i've always dreamed of having. You know what? Its all worth the aching, money and time. (I won't say pain here cos it really didn't hurt that much throughout the entire process) Trust me. I still kind of miss having braces cos ultimately it has been two long years and i've grown to live with it and its kind of like an essential part of what I am. Hahaha. 

It is a life changing procedure to me and I will strongly encourage anyone with teeth that are not nicely spaced or arranged and are concerned or self conscious about it to go and get braces. Its definitely not cheap, costing up to a few thousand dollars for the entire treatment but really, save and go for it. Its worth it to make yourself feel good about yourself and your entire being. And once in a while look into the mirror and feel that hey at least there's a part of myself that I find kind of pleasant to look at. Well, referring to people with low self esteem like me duh~ 

I pleaded really long, for like a few years I think, before my mum actually brought me to the orthodontist when I was in secondary 3. It felt like a dream come true and I never feared dentists from then on cos I know what changes it can bring to me. 

So really its alright to change a little of what you are not pleased with to a relatively acceptable extent and be feel good about yourself. Might not make you feel super pretty all the time but its that once in a while kind of thing now and then that keeps us going I guess. Heh. :)

Oh ya happy belated valentine's! ♥

Still having exams till next tuesday so wish me luck! Can't wait for exams to be over cos I feel extremely tired omg. Haha but oh well~ Its not the first time facing with this anw! Will be back again after the exams! :D

♥ 

PHOTO INSPIRATION OF THE DAY

Working my way towards this ultimate goal. With the happiest mentality ever. :)

PUG PUP

Helen's pug pup is coming over to my house for CNY and tmr's the big dayyy~ Excited! :D 

*Can't wait*

SHOULDN'T BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR

I want to lose weight merely cos I want 

to look good in clothes..

to feel good about myself.. 

to give my self esteem a little boost..

to prove judgmental people wrong..

is that really too much to ask for? o.o

Being in fencing didn't make me thinner but it made me a little more muscular that what I used to be. Is this what I really want?? I find myself being too masculine is kind of a major turn off to me haha. Not regretting that I made a dream come true but worrying if this is what i'm willing to sacrifice for that dream. Well human definitely is contradicting huh? 

Running more definitely~ I don't have to have big muscles. I just need my fats to go away!!! Plus it really sucks when you have judgmental relatives that tell you "YOU ARE FAT" straight in your face.-.- What makes you think that i'll forever be this chubby??

It doesn't seem too much to ask for I guess.

2I1 AWESOME PEOPLE, HALF A DECADE AND STILL COUNTING

Yesterday was a 2i1 gathering at Ngee Ann and it was like awesome so I wanted to dedicate a blogpost just for that memorable few hours that we spent together. :)

Despite the fact that not all 40 members of 2i1 was present ytd, we still had lots and lots of fun. In fact fun is not even enough to describe the kind of joy and overwhelming feeling when we get back together again after so long and the bond that we fostered since 5 years ago is still standing strong and it really just makes me feel really warm and at the same time really gratified to be blessed to be part of such an awesome class. In fact I feel like we are like a family instead of a class. Cliche I know but still~ 

I still remember the way we were bonded together and how we always are together. Its amazing how in that first 2 years of our lives in secondary school had molded us, probably into who we kind of are now. Its very amazing cos we didn't know each other at all and the chemistry just took action and over time, we somehow became as one. Through that 2 years, the joy, laughter, tears, all that crazy jokes and insane time together, its really not that easy to be forgotten. 

Its definitely very heartwarming to think about the past and to hope for the future. Half a decade now and hoping that our 2i1 bond will keep growing, stand stronger than ever and we will be able to remain present as one in the rest of the chapters in our lives. :)

♥