HOW IT ALL CAME ABOUT

Okay its this awkward start of a blogpost again.

My URL is www.remember-cherish-await.blogspot.com and my blog title is Past. Present. Future. I cannot really remember how I came out with this link of the URL and the title but now that I look at it, I really can see the meaning behind everything. And i'm happy to say that I really like it. 

Its like a reminder for me to remember the past, cherish the present and await for the future. Its really what we are supposed to do in life, remember the past mistakes and learn from them so as to lead a better life from then on, or you can also say to remember the past memories that you'd hold dear within you for a really long time. Cherish whatever we have in the present as we hold onto the memories and not look back or anticipate too much for the future cos we are most vulnerable to losing something that we have at the moment when we try to multitask and lose focus in life. And last but not least, to await for the infinite opportunities that we may meet in the future, not losing hope even if we may not get what we want right now. 

I once wanted this to be a platform to carry out the above 'philosophy' as I share my daily life with many others out there but after a while I thought it became too much of a personal platform and the plan backfired. Plus as i'm still schooling, I find it really hard to maintain everything at its tip top condition. And i've lost interest in blogging for a while and stopped altogether. I actually didn't think that I would resume with blogging during the 'rest period' but I did eventually, hoping that probably one day i'd still be able to achieve what this platform was meant to be from the start. But right now i'm just really happy to be able to write about absolutely everything under the moon cos I don't have a lot of opportunity to write stuff like this since I entered poly. 

This brings me to my next point. I actually love writing stuff like this for leisure purposes. I once planned to make writing as a career but I didn't quite walk towards that goal in the end. Its not really a regret for me cos i'm still writing as I continue to maintain this blog very much for leisure purposes. And it definitely feels great. I don't expect myself to be some awesome and so called professional bloggers like Xiaxue or whoever. Its very much a place for me to rant now. Oh but I can't really be a good writer cos I have difficulties with certain topics. Can't really name the 'forbidden' topics now but yeah there are things that I really cannot write about. Otherwise I would have gotten an A for my o levels english language. Haha.

There are a few blogs that I read and kind of enjoy reading them for their content or for their styles and I admire them for that, though at the same time I know they must have put in a lot of effort for them to be where they are right now so it all boils down to the opportunities that happen to come your way as well as the effort that you are putting in to get what you ultimately want.

Okay I didn't expect this to a such a long post but oh well~ Shall show you what I got today.:D

Shall end this post with this pair of sandals that I bought at Jurong Point today, with helen. ITS SO PRETTY I CAN'T EVEN. I know it probably doesn't look too pretty over here but it is!! I don't know but I really love this pair of sandals the moment I lay my eyes on it. I bought it at $19.90 from Leather Atrium if I never remember wrongly. Its a discounted price and I thought it really worthed the price cos it is handmade if i'm not wrong and its supposedly made of real leather at the soles. Which I guess explains why it feels so comfy when I wore it and the straps!! They are like braided strings I would say and the strings reminds me very much of friendship bands. Its just a perfect casual pair of sandals suitable for jeans, shorts or a casual dress. Very versatile and together with comfort, it beats it all.

Okay byeee. Cheers. :)

LOSING FAITH

Okay so i'm supposed to be going out with helen today but we cancelled the shopping trip yesterday cos we wasn't even sure if we could both make it. Or rather, if she could make it. So in the end I decided to do some vintage floral nails while i'm rotting at home and just nice, helen decided to call me and she said that she can go out alr. Ahhh!!! My vintage nails!! I didn't even finish them. LOL. In fact I only started with my left hand and since i'm going out, I won't have enough time to finish them alr. Yes. I wiped them all off. :( Oh wells~~ Shall do them on friday or smth. Or maybe even tomorrow! :)

Oh and yes. I'm damn afraid for history to repeat itself. So i'm pretty lost right now. Once bitten, twice shy. Is it going to be the same or is it going to be different, I really don't know. Life really does have a way of making you lose faith in everything.

NPF EPEE BBQ GATHERING 2012 @ ECP

It was early in the morning and trust me. We were all damn sleepy. Bought ingredients for BBQ at night.

Walking over to Huiyu's house to prepare the food.

Benjamin giving a head-touching tutorial using Yongchee's head. LOL.

Jianhong's turn to touch Yongchee's head.

Hoyang's turn..

Desiree's turn..

And my turn. Still think it feels weird. Hehe.

We making RAINBOW CAKE.

Rainbow cake making-in-progress. It was damn fun playing with the colours.

Hoyang asking if that's a scar from fencing.

Upon arrival at ECP, Huiyu and I went to the beach. Pretty~

Jinru marinating the pork with Huiyu as assistant. She say he looked like he's molesting the pig. LOL.

Wind was so strong and Jinru had a hard time trying to start the fire. Thus the human wall in front of him.

Yayy fire started. Picture taken to mark the memorable moment?

Huiyu trying to photobomb Suyuan and I. She totally succeeded!

Our food sizzling on the wire gauze.

Gosh. I look hideous here. Jernelle~

Hoyang~

Coach Zhihua.

Joined by Claudia just before we leave.  Happy family~

Okay so 2 days ago we had our annual NPF Epee BBQ gathering at ECP and we totally had a blast. It was a crazy long day because some of us, in fact 9 of us had to wake up early and meet up to but ingredients to prepare for the BBQ at night. So Huiyu, Jernelle, Hoyang, Benjamin, Yongchee, Jianhong, Suyuan, Desiree and I met up early. I woke up at 7:30am that day. Crazy. Went to Giant and bought most of the things needed for the BBQ and had lunch at the foodcourt before proceeding to Huiyu's house to start on the preparation. 

Decided to make rainbow cake for Keith's birthday cos it was his birthday on that day itself. And we played with the food colouring to find the perfect colours and had a lot of fun adding the batter layer by layer. Took quite some time though. Fortunately the rainbow cake turned out pretty. Just that some of them looked like they were moldy cos apparently it was a wrong idea to put the blue and purple batter right at the top. LOL. Those with the yellow tops looked more right.

From the photos up there, can see that we were having fun playing with Yongchee's head cos he's currently in NS so he's bald. Came out with the idea of doing a head touching tutorial cos apparently some of us didn't have anything to do at Huiyu's house. You see what can come out when someone is bored. LOL.

Made our way to ECP, 9 people, 3 cabs. Crazy expensive luh the cab fare. But our things were way too heavy to not take a cab. The driver of the cab I was in was damn cute. He forgot to on his meter until we hit the highway alr he suddenly stopped and said "Aiya tsk. 我忘记开 meter" Hahaha. Later when we reached our destination he still gave us discount somemore. So good right. *gan dong* Haha.

I didn't do alot of cooking that night cos apparently I don't really find a place there. Like I find it really awkward to stand by the pit cos I can't really find myself anything to do. So I ended up eating only. So paiseh luh aiyo.:(

The BBQ was fun and I love the photo of us all together as well. Really like a big family.:)

Had alot of fun and enjoyed my time at the beach cos its so peaceful at night, looking in the direction of the dark waters and the brightly lit horizon from afar, standing under the crescent moon, it was one of the best feeling. Hope i'll have a chance to go to the beach again at night. Its like a different view all together and really beautiful.

Pictures by jernelle.

Cheers. :)

ITS NEVER ALWAYS UP TO YOU

 

I'm very tired of having to deal with things that are being dragged on and on.

要就彻底一点。干脆一点。以前的我就是太不干脆才会落到今天这样的局面。

LEAVING BEHIND

When I decided to start afresh and leave the past behind, I struggled for quite a while because of the unfamiliarity that I knew I would be greeted with. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew it wouldn't be always smooth-sailing. But I did. And if you ask me whether I regret leaving what I was familiar with and walk into a future of uncertainties, I would say no. Well, at least up till now, no. 

I know we all tend to get over-comfortable with what we are familiar with and have this difficulty of walking out of that "comfort zone". But you'll never know what kind of opportunities there are, waiting for you to embrace them. I have known a lot of new people since then, while getting to know some others even better at a deeper level, not to forget, the new things that i've learned is also amazing. 

I'm probably not the closest with my coursemates, nor am I the best in studies, (I did pretty badly this time round), but I genuinely have some of the best seniors in fencing. Life has opened up a whole lot of opportunities for me now that I think of it. I may not be in the best situation right now but at the very least I have people that truly cares for me that's "watching over" me and taking care of me. These people are like my guardian angels, sent to my side to help me brave through this not-so-pleasant period of my life and I feel blessed in a certain way cos like I said, i'm definitely not in the best situation now. 

Extras: 

So ya. Happygirl95 is really happy today cos I ate two of my favourite food today. 

#01. Ban Mian for lunch

#02. Spaghetti for dinner

And, I ate both meals with my seniors and had a lot of fun. So now you know why i'm happy. Hahaha. 

Okay i'm going to sleep really really soon hopefully, cos i'm having a Epee BBQ gathering at ECP tmw!! Excited~~ I know we are all going to really enjoy ourselves and have a blast! Shall share more about the gathering when it's over. Hehehe.

Cheers. :)

不一样的我。

我知道自己不够好。我有也有尝试努力过可是突如其来的坏消息不是我能控制的。

这次的决心真的很强。经过那么多次的失败与挫折，却还要比自己一再站起来的感受又有谁能明了？现实逼得我一次又一次地爬起，即便每次爬起来都遍体鳞伤，我仍然没有资格说要放弃。不是我不要。是我不可以。现实不允许我说放弃。不允许我说累。

我不是超人。每一次站起来都多了几道伤痕。还没来得及复原的旧伤又不停的被重复撕开。伤痕累累的我累了。脆弱了。不再坚强了。 

别人的故里值得欣慰。给了我嘟囔下所需的安慰，却带不回我遗失了的那股冲劲。

这一切的一切不容易察觉。。

现在这就是我。多次失败后有存活下来的我。不再一样的我。

NOMNOMNOM.

YoooHooooo~~ I'm so in love with a few things recently and I just cannot get enough of it. Okay first of all, my appetite has been so freaking huge I can't believe. Like some second puberty stage or something if it even makes sense. Just yesterday night, after having my Chicken Marinara spaghetti with Janice and Jiayun at Jcube, I went home and in the middle of the night, I started munching on gummies. Believe it or not, I finished the whole packet of gummies and went on to make myself a cup of hot milo and ended up eating 2 packs of cream crackers. Thats a whole lot of fats. Oh god. After which, I went straight to sleep with a full tummy. Crazy.

Okay back to my point. I'm in love with Cheerios, thats one, and basically banana flavoured stuff. I drank a bottle of banana milk yesterday and I had a weird craving for banana cake today. Bananas~ <3 Next would be spaghetti. I love love love spaghetti so bad recently and have been eating it alot really. Can't get enough of it.<3 Next would be gummies. I love the Australian brand of gummies which isn't exactly cheap cos its like 99% fat free or something. That's cos I got influenced by one of my seniors and she love gummies too. She always bring gummies for training and sometimes she will treat us to gummies and that's how I came to know this Australian brand. Gummies~ <3 

Sigh. So now you know how bad my eating habits are. Eating and eating and eating non stop seriously. I swear i'm chubbier now. :( Oh well~ Going for training soon. Hopefully i'll burn my fats away today!

Oh ya. I have a Epee BBQ gathering at ECP this saturday~~ Happygirl95. :D *excited face*

That's all for now! 

Cheers. :)

HEART TO HEART

Had a heart to heart talk with Helen ytd. It was kind of an unexpected one to be honest. A lot has been going through in her life and her amazingly strong personality and the way she looked at the situation is an inspiration to me. Its really what people would say "there is always a brighter side to everything". But then again, everything's over and I believe things are improving. :)

Bad things happen not always for a bad reason. That's what i've learned.

So had a heart to heart talk with helen cos she asked me to call her. I think she was bored for some reason. LOL. So I called her and started crapping and led to something else. I can't believe I actually agreed to share everything with her. EVERYTHING. And she of course agreed too and she did, telling me about absolutely everything that happened recently. Its a whole lot of things tgt all at once I would definitely breakdown if it was me. But it seems like we both realised what we really want. Which I feel a strange sense of relief after that. Its like I finally found a balance in school and my life.

I need someone to control me. In every aspect of life. I like to be controlled and not be over cared about. Its funny that I haven't realised this after so long. I need someone to tell me what to do but leave the final work involving my own independence to myself. I need someone to make me feel okay even when things are not. And you know what? Helen seems to be that person right now. :)

And I guess I would classify Helen as my soulmate? I don't know if its too much to classify her as a soulmate but her level of frequency and my level of frequency is very very amazing. Even my childhood friend of about 14 years now, I don't think we have that kind of connection yet. And to think we actually fought really bad a few years ago and now we are still best of friends. I really appreciated that fate brought us tgt and allowed us to create so many memories.

Seems like this post is dedicated to her then. Hahaha.

Cheers. :)

RESULTS

14 September 2012. Ngee Ann poly releases the results of our August examinations. I can't believe it actually makes me so nervous till my heart was pounding in my chest when I was logging in to NPAL portal. 

And then the truth hits me. Not even a pathetic little A anywhere to be seen. Life really has its own way of turning you upside down. Really. 

I'm already not in a good mood and people have to ask me to stop going for fencing but there's something they won't understand behind the reason I make myself to go for trainings even after every training I feel like my legs are absolutely going to break. Its not the attendance or the rules that's making me go for training. I'm really going cos I like it.

Its something that others won't understand.

NOW AND BEFORE

陪你去看流星雨落在这地球上 让你的泪落在我肩膀。
让你相信我的爱此刻为你勇敢 你会看见幸福的所在。

--流星雨 F4

This has been one of my go-to songs recently. I know its a really really old song but it never failed to touch me, believe it or not. The thing I like about it is that its very simple and straight to the point kind of song. You get the meaning behind the lyrics without having to pull out your brains and search for the possible images and meanings to fit the words. Its the song for days when you don't want to waste your brain cells to think over lyrics. Most importantly, there's a weird warmness that radiates out of the song. And I like it. :)

Anw, I feel like i'm going back to the introvert me like how I was in the past. And that scares me. When I was younger, I cannot look into people's eyes when I talk to them. Don't ask me why but I just can't. I feel extremely shy and awkward when I do that. It makes me feel insecure about myself. And no doubt, just like any other girl out there, I have tons of insecurities within me. But it changed at a certain stage and I realised that its actually coming back again.

Or maybe it only applies to certain people. Like there are people that can make me look at them without having to feel awkward. There are. So I guess its about people after all.. I love people that are able to break and look through my outer wall that I unwillingly set up around myself.

Oh well. I'm seeing Meixin at west mall later. *claps claps* Supposed to be a "study date" but since I don't have anything to study now, I shall be there to disturb and distract her. *evil* I'm looking forward to it for some reason. Haven't seen her in quite a while alr. :) 

Feeling extremely tired. 开始很美，结束很累。How true.