Strangers with memories.
How can people become strangers with memories? Its a brutal relation that two people can have with each other. It is so brutal that I feel defeated when I have to face it and have acceptance towards it.
It's been a while since I last had feelings like this.
I know i've long walked out of my past. The new transformation that is in me is undeniable. But, when flashbacks happen, I cannot help but surrender to it momentarily. To allow the feeling of regret wash over me. Reminding me of every little detail of how I lost someone so dear to me. How that mere 1 year and 3 months in both our lives were like fireworks, the initial ignition, the explosion of feelings and emotions for each other, the brightest sparks that left such emotions branded into my entire being that eventually had to die down into nothing.
This is something that I had to learn to face. The fear of having to feel it all again makes me terrified. Which is absolutely the reason why I know better than to rush into things right now. I learned that feelings alone is never enough. Compatibility is as important. I failed to achieve emotional and mental intimacy and there were a lot of things that weren't compatible but being blinded by feelings was a mistake that I can never afford to make again.
This is life. It was love. I guess I never understood what love is defined as. Never till his presence in my life.
I'm in pain. But I know the pain will be gone when I wake up tomorrow. Because I don't live in the past anymore. For a better me, for a better tomorrow.
But for today, let me miss you.
J.
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