NOVICES 2013

Just back from Novices and I must say I really did enjoy myself through the entire process. It was a fun experience even though I didn't make it past round of 32. But then again, I got past Poules and got into DE!! That's totally mission accomplished for little me~ 

So its really mixed feelings I guess? Disappointed cos I could have done so much better. But super happy to be able to get into round of 32 (though I still think that a lot of luck is involved in this). :P 

Beyond touched by the seniors that stood behind me and cheered me on when I thought everything was falling apart. Knowing that hoyang, claudia, yushi, suyuan, ben, jinru, yongchee and weixiang, are cheering for me and that I have them to fall back on, regardless of the results, make me feel accepted and wanted I guess. They gave me the courage to press on and fight for what I wanted. They gave me the assurance that everything will be fine. They are part of what made it possible for me to enter DE. 

Got to tame my nerves next sunday though. Scary as it seems to stand alone on the piste, I think I can do it. And I will continue to prove myself wrong. That i'm not capable.

Says who? 

CHUBBY BUNNY

Hahaha I swear this is so damn cute! :D Definitely made my day~~

CRAPPY LONELY SOUL

Hello.

I swear my mood is just getting crappier by the day. Honestly. Its been bugging me for quite a while now and omg I feel absolutely miserable. I don't like the feeling of being unhappy AT ALL.

But yet I can't really name what is the exact problem that's bothering me for so freaking long. It just feels like everything. Everything is just not going the way I wanted. School, friends, fencing, committee stuff, myself and everything else. Seriously. The past two weeks or so i'm just like a piece of crap. I don't even know how to describe that feeling anymore. Its changing me into another person that I hate.

I can't believe I get irritated SO easily recently. And I often feel very bad for saying the wrong things in a spite of anger when I didn't even mean it and ended up feeling even more miserable than before. This weird anger brewing inside me occurs cos i'm just SO over sensitive lately. Like really the smallest thing that happen can get on my nerves so freaking bad. Worse of all, saying things that I don't mean and hurting other people in the process just kills me a little on the inside everytime. And this me, now, while controlling that crazy anger. Imagine I didn't control at all, I would have said things that i'll definitely regret saying. 

So many days, I just wanted to cry and tell somebody about everything. But I don't know how to. Its something that I don't know how to explain and I don't know what the hell is wrong with everything. ITS JUST BUGGING ME NON STOP.

Thankfully, despite all the disgusting mess that i'm in, I have you being very tolerant with my abnormal behavior and continue to stand by me. Listen to me rant non stop and sat with me when I didn't feel like speaking. It is only in front of you that I didn't have to put on a smile and pretend that everything is alright. All that you've done made me feel apologetic cos i'm probably one of the most hard-to-be-with person right now and I know I probably haven't been very nice to be with either. But is probably the only thing that I can be happy about right now. 

I hope things will get better. Soon. So I can spare myself from this misery and spare the people around me some trouble too.

Whatever.

Bye.

TO THOSE NIGHTS

To those nights --  Wongfu Productions

LOVING YOURSELF

Oh well~ I know its like super early now but i'm just waiting to go to school so..

Saw this video up on my subscription list when I pop by Youtube to check things out a bit after checking my mail. And the title drew me in like almost immediately. "Love yourself".

Just ytd, I was watching 美乐加油 at home on channel U with my mum cos it was on repeat at 1pm. And it dawned on me that probably it really is the right thing to start loving myself before even expecting anybody else to love me. Cos in the show, there's this always selfless 查美乐 being enlightened by 韩以烈 (not sure if its the right word here but oh well.) and she realised that she found the type of coffee that she liked and not just drinking whatever other people liked. 韩以烈 made her realised the importance of being able to make her own decisions and just do what she liked doing. Making a choice that she would be happy about and not just being happy cos others are happy. Cos nobody would love a person who doesn't know how to love herself. And she was enlightened. So am I.

Seeing this video today just adds on to the enlightenment more. It made me really wonder if I should start loving myself more and learn to make the decisions of my choice. I guess i'm so used to following others' decisions because I feel protected in a way when I know that there is somebody I can fall back on and rely on. They will help me and decide for me whatever that seemed the best for me. I really think this is the reason behind everything. 

So when people say "I don't know" it made me panic a little on the inside. It actually feels like I lost the person that I can fall back on, at least momentarily. I know it sounds absolutely crazy but I guess that just how things go inside me. Anw, i'd love to make myself feel protected in another way rather than what I mentioned above. It probably then fit the convention way of loving myself I guess. Making decisions every now and then wouldn't seem that bad at all. :)

So.. back to the video, you wouldn't find that she's perfect in speech or whatever, but I find her getting the message across in a very true manner, it makes me think that she's someone that stays true to herself and really is in the process of loving herself and trying to get rid of her insecurities. Not that its an easy task but at least she's trying. And I really loved the way she presented herself in the video. It feels different. 

I guess today's like a more cheered up me writing a blogpost. So have a good day. :)

THE OTHER SIDE

Totally in love with this song. This cover to be exact. 

又一次的领悟

也许我就是那么容易被敷衍。那么容易被任何人取代。 就是那么渺小。

不能改变的事实。 对吧？

最近还好吗

突然想要做一次心灵分享。太久没有在这个平台分享自己的生活点滴了，感觉似乎忽略了这个曾经陪伴我度过生活里许许多多的高低起伏，属于我自己的国度。突然对这里想念了。

最近还好吗？最近的我并不好。突然领略了好多人生较为悲哀的一面，也看到了人心的丑陋。甚至让我有种在现阶段格格不入的感觉。。

我觉得自己是多余的。。我是多余的吗？请告诉我。

面对不够了解我的人，我得不到谅解，得不到在朋友面前应有的解脱，零束缚的感觉。这也逐渐地让我在了解我的人面前，觉得自己不够好，永远就在他人背后，永远如此的渺小。在爱我的人面前，不晓得自己哪一点值得他去执着。。

很久都没有如此悲观，可是有时身边的人，事，物，都不断把我推向悬崖，恨不得看到我失败，堕落，我的懦弱。

有时真的很想要放下一切，但人总是矛盾的。一想到我的未来，真正支持我的朋友，真正爱我的人，家人，又不得不叫自己爬起来，继续往前走。也不是不知道身边还有那么多关心我的人，只不过我会不由自主地觉得我凭什么得到他们的关心和爱。我自认自己不够好，就不知道别人眼里的我是否也是如此。。我没有那份信心告诉自己我是优秀的。

在悲伤占据我的心的同时，感觉到源源不绝的爱，却又像为一双被泪水模糊了的眼眸递上一张纸巾一样，有些许地让昏暗的世界亮了起来。

最近还好吗？我似乎好一点了。

这是逼迫自己坚强的见证。

MY VERY FIRST BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD.

I had a super good friend years back and we had the plans to carry our friendship to as far as possible. And I thought it could very well last me a lifetime and I guess i'm still right regarding that. I happened to think about her all of a sudden lately and man.. I could have cried. I miss her... So damn much. 

This special girl in my life.. Nadine Wong Yu Zhen. We were friends since more than a decade back and we are still friends. Probably not super close anymore cos we were separated ever since we entered different secondary schools and now she's in Nanyang JC while i'm in NgeeAnn Poly but I have the faith that if we were to give ourselves enough time to get close to each other again, we will be able to find the level of comfort that we once had. All over again. 

She's such an awesome girl and I feel more than just blessed to have her in my life. She was there with me when I was all alone, being the supposedly anti social and shy me when I was young. We used to fight a lot when we were like super young in kindergarten and we often had the "I don't want to friend you alr luh" coming from us but we always managed to make it up. Probably I knew that there was no way that I could lose this person as a friend. Back in primary school, she always stood up for me and was there for me when I cried or when other people bullied me. She was there for me all the time and I felt that the kind of friendship and the level of dependance we had for each other was really pure and I miss it. I miss the feeling of being protected by her and knowing that I would be safe cos she'd be there to fend off bullies and she'd be there to wipe my tears away.

Nadine never despise me cos I wasn't pretty. And she didn't change even after becoming a prefect in primary school. She was the first person to accept me for who I am and in the purest and most innocent manner, became my friend and stood by me. She had lunch with me despite having prefects' duties after recess and had to rush off. There are just way too many things that she'd done for me and I know that I should start contacting her soon. It's been a pretty long time since we've last saw each other and I feel the awkwardness setting in. But i'm really not afraid. I know we'd be back tgt again for sure. 

She mean a ton to me. And I genuinely miss her alot. She's the perfect angel in my life. Someone that didn't judge me for what I looked like. Mushroom head or not. Face cui like anything and she's still fine with it. She used to know EVERYTHING about me and now, 15 years into the future, I want to know everything that I possibly can know, about her current life. I want to protect her, and feel protected by her again. I want to make the friendship last truly a lifetime. 

Sometimes I wished that we had chosen the exact same route. We'd probably still be super close right now. But then again, being apart for such a long time made me realised her importance to me and I appreciate it too. She is important. 

And other than her, I feel like, and i'm proud to say that there are a few more ppl in my life at this current moment that shares a certain level of importance to me too. :)

So indeed. I am a really lucky girl after all.

HOPES DASHED.

My hopes are dashed. To think that I can't fulfill the plan that we had. I disappointed you and myself. I don't know how to go on from here. How?? 

But yet to know that someone is there for me when I needed it the most. 

Probably its something to smile about despite the tears.

BACK TO SCHOOL.

Hello! 

Tomorrow is yet another back-to-school day that i'm looking forward to. Surprisingly. I'm not exactly sure what i'm looking forward to but I just am. Probably its cos of the modules that i'm taking this semester. I have quite a substantial amount of modules this coming semester, I don't really know if all of them are examinable or not but from what I know, there are about 6 in total, not including my IS modules. *omg* But, my timetable looks pretty decent still. So i'm actually not too worried. 

Okay maybe I should be worried cos I was told that life is not easy in my course. But there are a few modules that i'm really looking forward to. Namely, engineering materials, environmental technology and occupational health and safety. I think these are the few "cooler" modules out of the 6 "official course modules" that I have. Or at least they make me interested in it just by looking at the name of the modules. Unlike the past 2 semesters, where there were basically nothing that triggered my interest in at all. How pathetic omg. 

Oh well~ I'm determined to lose weight this semester onwards actually. I probably might have mentioned about this "determination" before long ago but then again, I really did make an effort this time! So give me some credits for that, given that I proofed that I am not someone who just say something and not do it. I made my words into actions this time! Hehe. Cutting down on carbs this time and trying to lower the size of the portion of my meals basically. And of course together with regular exercises luh duh~ I feel like I can see some difference in myself but then again, this could be an error that my eyes made. So I shall leave the judging part to others. And if possible, I wish to get abs~~ I know it will feel damn good to see the "washboard abs" on myself but i'm not too sure if it is even possible. Haha. I find it so hard to stay lean, not to mention becoming lean from something like me. Zzzz.

Anyways, you've just got to try everything out to see if it works luh. Never try never know. I have 6 months for me to become fit and look fit. So maybe from now till later in october i'll keep a lookout for my "washboard" Hahaha 

*laughing at myself for even thinking that I can do it* Hmm.. Maybe got 2 alr very good. Let's not be over demanding of ourselves. :)

That's all for now~ I really want to get back to school right now! :D 

Goodluck to the rest returning back to school too! ♥

WALKING THE TALK.

"How can one decided to quit school teach about resilience? How can one influence positively when their lifestyle is uncalled for? When we don't practise what we preach we are simply hypocrite. Do what we mean, mean what we do. If don't mean it, don't do. Walking the talk is important. There are some topics I won't teach, not because I don't think is important but is because I have not practise in my own life. Never teach something you know but you don't practise, teach something that you believe and practise - because you don't need to teach, you just need to influence with your reputation and credibility. That is important." -- Delane Lim

I saw this status on facebook just a few moments ago and I felt that it is something really worth sharing, to allow us to have a chance to think through these wise words and maybe change us for the better. 

Delane Lim is a man which I look up upon since I first met him during the Batam camp when I was in secondary three. He is a man whom I think has the capability to make an impact on others' life and leads by example. Every now and then I come across newly updated facebook statuses by him and stop to ponder over his words. It seems to be his nature to be able to inject meaning to simple words and be an inspiration to the people around him. I wouldn't deny, that the batam camp a few years back, was partly what molded me into who I am today. 

I wish to become a man of credibility one day and to be able to make an impact on others' lives as well.  

Every single day in the past is the reason behind who you are today. Lead by example. To your juniors, friends, family, and one day, many years down the road, your children as well. Guess that will make life much more worthwhile.

TWISTER

Hello! 

Haven't been updating much lately cos i've been working a lot basically throughout the whole of march and I believe that working life isn't really something worth mentioning about. Well at least for mine. Recently just ended my job on the 1st of April. Nope its not an april fool's joke. Haha. Kk that's kind of lame I know. :P 

Earned quite a bit of money / extra allowance since I wasn't given any during the holidays. And i've decided to try to live off myself starting from the next sem onwards. I'm going to get myself a part time job and see if I can cope with all that commitments. Like school, fencing, work, family, friends etc. Its what I want to do to rely on myself and save up for the future and also a way to test my limits. I know its going to be damn tough trying to work and study at the same time but I feel like its time for me to pick up more responsibilities as the only child, also for myself. I want to start being independent in order not to have a "shock" when I really enter the workforce / society in just a few years' time. Time passes crazy fast. I'm turning 20 in just 2 years time. 

Fortunately, I have support from people around me in the sense that I have jiayun who's also wanting to depend on herself and try to live off herself. So if nothing goes wrong, we may be working together and working towards our  so called "common goal". Sometimes, in whatever you decide to do, we all need that extra boost of support from people around us, people who love us, to keep us going. 

Anyways, i'm going over to JP in just a few hours' time to try out the skills and services from TWISTER, the hair salon under the Monsoon Hair Group. I know it isn't the best option if money is involved but i've persuaded myself to just go ahead and give it a try to see the difference between neighbourhood salons and some sort of "atas" salons. And so i'm definitely going to have to part with some of my hard-earned money. I just hope that it will be worth the money cos i'll be really depressed if it doesn't live up to its name and what not. Bringing my hopes up really high now. I'm leaving it to fate to see if my hopes stays where it should be or it'll be dashed. Wish me luck!

photo form google.

Adding on, tomorrow is NPF's BBQ over at ECP, similar to the previous epee BBQ but with a lot more people present. I'm kind of sure that it'll be fun actually. Haha how can there be no fun when the whole of NPF is around right? Well at least they are the people that makes me feel the most accepted in NP. :)

TIRED

 Tumblr post - Tired

THE DESIRE TO DO BETTER.

Okay luh I finished work at  about 5:30pm and went to lot 1 to get my facial cleanser and conditioner, aka grocery shopping. Omg totally like auntie alr. Kk whatever~ And I got myself a pandan cheese roll from  bangawan solo and a caramel milk tea from gongcha as a treat for myself. Hehe. FAT TREAT. I feel super fat now to be honest. I hate the fact that this factory job always make me put on so much weight seriously. I feel myself being really bulky now and I honestly HATE myself being like this. Like disgusting only. 

 

To make myself feel better, I went to the library and got myself a book to read. I do miss reading and i'm more than happy to read the borrowed book. Anw diet plan starts again next week its impossible to slim down while working cos I don't eat a lot but I get fat. Like what on earth is this right. I know. -.-

 

Anw i'm stopping work after this week. Like really. Though I really need the money but then I cannot skip trainings anymore. So stress like seriously. Go training also got problem go work also got problem. By doing either one I have to sacrifice money and skills respectively. I swear money issues are the most annoying of all. If we don't need money, I wouldn't have to even go and work. But I need the money to replace some stuff and I didn't want to get it from my mum. I know the financial burden she has now. And there's no way i'm going to add on to it.   

 

Anw I really don't know why on earth am I talking about this now cos this blogpost wasn't supposed to be this lengthy but I feel very stressed lately. Like I feel so burdened by a lot of things. I feel like crying and breaking down when I think about the future. I don't know how far can I bring myself in poly education and I worry for my future. I worry that I cannot find a job good enough for me to give my mum and myself a good and comfortable life. I suddenly wished that I have a sibling to share the responsibility with me and to be with me. But I don't. You might call me stupid to be thinking about this when I haven't even finish poly but I don't know what's wrong with me recently. I've been really down. 

 

I have this strong urge to study well in the coming semester cos there's this young girl who's younger than me by a year at my workplace and she has alr stopped studying just cos she doesn't like studying and I felt really overwhelmed by that fact. We are supposed to and we should study as much as we can in hope to have a better life in the future but she gave up the chance of studying at this prime age and is alr working hard to earn a living. I feel sad sometimes when I see her like this. I really think that this is not giving herself a chance to get to greater heights in her life as well as stepping away from her dreams. And she's not being fair to herself. I'm not trying to be mean here and say that people who do not have enough education will not have a chance of succeeding but lets be practical and face it. How many people can really do it without a certain level of qualifications? I worry for this young lady and really hope that she will change her mind soon and return back to studying. For once, I feel grown-up enough to appreciate the education given to me and i'm blessed and thankful for the opportunities presented to me.  

 

I have the desire to do better. Do you? I hope my enlightenment is a mutual one with every reader. 

 

有上进心是对得起自己人生的行为。我突然领悟到了这一点。

 

Sorry i'm pretty messed up lately. Trying to get things back on track.  

TUMBLR

GAVE UP

Feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden. Like I feel so burdened by a lot of things. I find it so unfair that I have to bear the consequences of someone when clearly we warned him about all that could happen. He refused to heed our advice and continue being so self centered and just ruin his life like that, as if it was that fun to take medicine all the time and bear with the pain of having needles poking at you. 

Like seriously, why should I be burdened like this?? I'm 17 years old, time to venture out and experience life like I never would again. How many times would I get to be 17 again? None! This is my one and only chance but you know what? He has to be standing between my dreams and I, being a complete idiot and not knowing how much trouble he has brought to the people around him. 

I lost all respect for him since-I-don't-know when. People would say hey why be so mean? But all I can say is  that its hard for you to really feel what I feel unless you face people like him. Its insane.

I hate people who do not cherish life and treat everybody's care and concern like rubbish. Why do people like this exist?? He has the opportunity to live and enjoy life but he chose this hard route. Like seriously. -.- Never met anyone as selfish as this alr. I don't even have words to express my anger and indignant anymore.  

I give up.

And so because of him, I really dislike and really don't want to see people around me drink or smoke just cos it was what he did in the past. It turned him into someone that I could no longer rely on and someone who is extremely irresponsible and I don't want people around me to be like him. People like this, one is more than enough. Respect has to be earned. But he failed to earn my respect. And i'm not trying anymore. Enough. 

I know I am being very harsh but really I can stand it no more. I'm just glad that I have my mum with me. As I grew older, despite the arguments that I may have with my mum, I still love her nonetheless. Despite being very conservative, but I still respect her. She's the most important person in my life and i'm thankful for her.

JOB HUNTING

Hello there~ 

Currently hunting for a job and omg its so hard to find one!! I really hate not getting replies from these employers cos I have no idea at all if I should wait for their reply or should I just go ahead and find another job. Its damn irritating!! I sent a msg to one of the "employers" that I found online and was so happy to receive a reply from him/her but when I told him/her that i'm a female, he/she say they only need guys. *pulls hair* Tada~~ Unemployed still. TT

Sigh.  Okay that's all for now.

CANON

I'm honestly not an electric guitar person. Haha. Sorry I can't appreciate it and I feel so mean when people talk to me about it and I have nothing to say about it in return plus I have to add in that I don't really know how to appreciate that instrument and the music that comes out of it. That's really mean huh. I don't mean it in an offending way though!! 

Okay just saying~ The version in the second video is so nice though~ :)

RIGHT NOW

PARANOID

I think being paranoid is plain stupid. But you know what? I do it all the time. -.- 

paranoid + over-thinking and digging at the details of things = shit

I guess it isn't my fault to think that i'm not good enough in anything, anywhere. But then again, who can I blame? Its like the "which comes first? the chicken or the egg?"-type-of question where I do not have an answer to.

Okay sorry just another not so positive night. Hahaha. 

SEEK

Learning to seek perfection from within. Accepting all that you can't change and that's when I know how much it meant.

OMBRE HAIR

I went over to Art Friend to have a look today despite I didn't really have anything in mind that I wanted to buy, but i'm not sure if i've mentioned this before, I really love going to Art Friend to just walk around and have a look at all the amazing art materials that they carry just cos it gives me inspiration for a lot of things. I am definitely not talented in art, visual art I mean, but I do generate a lot of ideas when I enter Art Friend. When I see felt or other textiles, I feel like I can make those pieces of cloths to great use like I could sew them into something for a gift or when I see pieces of wood, I feel like I can make them into ornaments etc. Its just these ideas that flood my mind when i'm in there and I love that feeling. In fact, Libraries can make me have that kind of inspiration too. 

The difference is I guess when i'm in Art Friend, I think a lot about making things and colours and gifts and cards etc. But in the library, I tend to think about really serious stuff like things going on in my life, school, my troubles and whatever feelings and emotions there are at the moment. And amazing enough, I sometimes make decisions in such places. Like the ambiance of the place make me have the inspiration to come up with an idea or a solution to things. 

And so, when I was in Art Friend today, I made a pretty crazy decision of what I am going to do with a little portion of the money that I am most likely going to earn over the 2 months of school vacation. 

That is, i've finally decided to dye my hair. I mean i've been talking about this to some friends and i've been thinking a whole lot about it to myself but I haven't got the chance to get it done cos apparently my mum didn't give the green light for me to ombre dye my hair and I couldn't do it even if I wanted to cos I have financial constraints like I haven't been saving enough for me to actually go for an ombre dye. And having said that i'm going to ombre dye my hair, I really would want to do it at the professionals because its kind of like a major "project" and I really don't want to ruin my hair. Therefore, it is going to cost me pretty much if I am going to do it at some professional hair salon. Plus, I am also going to rebond my hair too so it will add up to pretty much at the end of the day.

If nothing goes wrong, I will be doing my hair at Kimage just cos I think their price range is kind of still affordable for little me. I will still need a few hundred dollars no doubt but I just thought and feel comfortable enough with the idea of entrusting my hair to the team of hair stylists at Kimage. I have actually done some research on Kimage and I know what I want to do with my hair already. I just haven't made that phone call to Kimage to make an appointment. So if nothing goes wrong and I have a job that can provide me a decent income for the vacations, I will most likely (saying most likely here cos I am not too sure about the availability of the job that I supposedly have) be rebonding and dyeing my hair this coming April just before school reopens. 

Really looking forward to my very first hair dyeing experience and I really hope that it will turn out really well. As for what colour I am going for, that's still kind of like a mystery to myself even. Haha I was deciding between blonde or red or some crazy pastel colour but then again, I think that colours like red or blue or green actually does fade out after sometime and its something that i'd hate to see on myself so definitely going to ask about that matter before I do something that I will regret. So currently there's like a higher chance of me bleaching my hair ends blonde. Hehe. 

Okay so this is actually the kind of colour I might be going for. :)

Wonder how my mum is going to react cos i'm not going to tell her about the dyeing part haha such a bad girl right. I just didn't see what is wrong with wanting to dye my hair since i've been having black hair for the past 17 years and I really wanted a change. It doesn't make me a bad girl just by dyeing my hair I am pretty much still me! So I will most likely be doing it without her consent, just like what I did when I pierced my ear for the second time. Well that's what you have to do when you have a really conservative mum haha. Not complaining of course, she's my one and only but it would be good if she can be more open to new things. I just got to adopt a different approach to make her accept things like this. 

Oh and I got caramel milk tea from KOI too heh. I finally realised what's so nice about KOI's milk tea. It just tastes different. In a good way of course. I used to complain all the time saying that Gongcha is so much nicer, but now that I compare both of their caramel milk tea, Wow. There's like a huge difference. And when I do have a craving for milk teas, or when I actually do drink milk tea, I will only go for caramel milk teas or pudding milk teas. Just simply cos I really like the taste of caramel and it just spice up the whole milk tea kind of taste. Btw, i'm someone that really isn't such a huge fan of milk teas at all. Especially teh bing. Like the iced milk tea you order at food courts or coffee shops. I really dislike the taste of that one. Haha. Okay and so I feel that pudding milk tea is an alternative to caramel milk teas cos the pudding that they use is usually caramel flavoured or maybe its vanilla i'm not too sure about that but it does taste pretty similar to caramel to me hehe. See a caramel lover here~ Anw, so if i'm going to get my milk tea from KOI, I will order a caramel milk tea with just 25% sugar level and it taste absolutely perfect. Like perfect sweetness. And if i'm going to Gongcha, I will order a caramel milk tea with pudding but one thing about Gongcha's caramel milk tea is that I don't seem to be able to choose my own sugar level anymore I mean it used to be like a personal choice kind of thing but now, I always don't seem to be able to choose the kind of sweetness I want for my milk tea and my caramel milk tea with pudding always ends up being too sweet. But i'm somehow able to tolerate that so~ The last favourite place that I really like to get my tea from is OK tea. Its not exactly well known I think but they have like pretty amazing pudding fresh milk tea which taste very nicely of caramel and I can choose my own sugar level!  Bonus! But then again, I only go there if I happen to be at Jurong Point so that's kind of a rare treat for myself. :)


K bye~ Enough crapping. ♥

LULLABY

Beautiful.

THE VOW

I just watched a movie online on the very first day of the school vacation. Was so glad that my paper ended yesterday and I felt the tension melt away from me as soon as the paper ended. It doesn't feel like i've done extremely well but i've taken a lot of things a lot lightly then before. I think i've learned to take things easy well not in a bad way of course. 

Okay enough of the exams. Such a serious topic to talk about. 

As I mentioned, I watched a movie titled "The vow" and i'm so touched by the movie and really glad that there is a happy ending to it. 

The vow is a romance directed by Michael Sucsy, starring Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, based on the true story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter who wrote a book about their marriage, which was also titled "The vow".

After an accident, Paige (Rachel McAdams) lose all her memories with her husband, Leo (Channing Tatum), when she woke up in a hospital. Leo tried to regain Paige's memory by doing all that he could and was by her side as long as she needed him, hoping that Paige would fall for him again as she did before the accident that took her memories away. 

However, as time passed, not only did Paige not recall anything regarding her time with Leo, she did not find herself falling in love with him as what he expected. Paige was a changed person and when Leo finally gave up and let Paige go, they divorced. 

Going separate ways, leading the life that seemingly belongs to them, Paige slowly found herself quitting law school and enrolling into the Arts Institute and moving into the city. Exactly what she did before her memory was lost and when she found Leo. She never regained her memory but she fell in love with the man that she once vowed to live with, again, willingly, despite being separated by the challenges faced by them both during the period of memory loss. 

Its so bittersweet in a sense that I find it so heartbreaking to watch when Paige did not reciprocate Leo's love and commitment to the marriage and responsibility that he vowed to protect. But then again so awfully glad when they find their way back to each other unknowingly like its all fated. So their vows towards each other is valid after all. And that's really the heartwarming part to see them so in love.

Leo: " I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. "

Paige: " I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree about red velvet cake, to live within the warmth of your heart, and always call it home. "

Yes. "To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not."

♥

MY BRACE FACE HISTORY

Yooohoooo~ Just felt like doing a random brace face history to "commemorate" my new set of teeth HAHAHA.. I know its really random but this sudden inspiration isn't without reason! 

I was watching a video on Youtube and the girl in the video mentioned something about giving yourself a change and basically just going ahead and do anything that makes you feel good about yourself and to bring a little change to make you have the "start afresh" feel. So one of the thing she mentioned was to go and have braces, which I believe was what she did in the past to bring about that change in her. According to her, having braces makes you feel so much better about yourself. You feel so much more confident about your smile and your general appearance. To be honest, I agree to that statement to like a hundred percent. I am really really really grateful for my smile now, despite it isn't the best set of teeth in the entire universe but still... Heh.

Never used to love smiling with my teeth but now, I totally ADORE smiling with my teeth. Whole set of teeth that is. I used to have the most crooked front teeth ever and my teeth used to be like super small I don't know why. But after almost two whole years of living with my braces, I finally achieved the kind of teeth that i've always dreamed of having. You know what? Its all worth the aching, money and time. (I won't say pain here cos it really didn't hurt that much throughout the entire process) Trust me. I still kind of miss having braces cos ultimately it has been two long years and i've grown to live with it and its kind of like an essential part of what I am. Hahaha. 

It is a life changing procedure to me and I will strongly encourage anyone with teeth that are not nicely spaced or arranged and are concerned or self conscious about it to go and get braces. Its definitely not cheap, costing up to a few thousand dollars for the entire treatment but really, save and go for it. Its worth it to make yourself feel good about yourself and your entire being. And once in a while look into the mirror and feel that hey at least there's a part of myself that I find kind of pleasant to look at. Well, referring to people with low self esteem like me duh~ 

I pleaded really long, for like a few years I think, before my mum actually brought me to the orthodontist when I was in secondary 3. It felt like a dream come true and I never feared dentists from then on cos I know what changes it can bring to me. 

So really its alright to change a little of what you are not pleased with to a relatively acceptable extent and be feel good about yourself. Might not make you feel super pretty all the time but its that once in a while kind of thing now and then that keeps us going I guess. Heh. :)

Oh ya happy belated valentine's! ♥

Still having exams till next tuesday so wish me luck! Can't wait for exams to be over cos I feel extremely tired omg. Haha but oh well~ Its not the first time facing with this anw! Will be back again after the exams! :D

♥ 

PHOTO INSPIRATION OF THE DAY

Working my way towards this ultimate goal. With the happiest mentality ever. :)

PUG PUP

Helen's pug pup is coming over to my house for CNY and tmr's the big dayyy~ Excited! :D 

*Can't wait*

SHOULDN'T BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR

I want to lose weight merely cos I want 

to look good in clothes..

to feel good about myself.. 

to give my self esteem a little boost..

to prove judgmental people wrong..

is that really too much to ask for? o.o

Being in fencing didn't make me thinner but it made me a little more muscular that what I used to be. Is this what I really want?? I find myself being too masculine is kind of a major turn off to me haha. Not regretting that I made a dream come true but worrying if this is what i'm willing to sacrifice for that dream. Well human definitely is contradicting huh? 

Running more definitely~ I don't have to have big muscles. I just need my fats to go away!!! Plus it really sucks when you have judgmental relatives that tell you "YOU ARE FAT" straight in your face.-.- What makes you think that i'll forever be this chubby??

It doesn't seem too much to ask for I guess.

2I1 AWESOME PEOPLE, HALF A DECADE AND STILL COUNTING

Yesterday was a 2i1 gathering at Ngee Ann and it was like awesome so I wanted to dedicate a blogpost just for that memorable few hours that we spent together. :)

Despite the fact that not all 40 members of 2i1 was present ytd, we still had lots and lots of fun. In fact fun is not even enough to describe the kind of joy and overwhelming feeling when we get back together again after so long and the bond that we fostered since 5 years ago is still standing strong and it really just makes me feel really warm and at the same time really gratified to be blessed to be part of such an awesome class. In fact I feel like we are like a family instead of a class. Cliche I know but still~ 

I still remember the way we were bonded together and how we always are together. Its amazing how in that first 2 years of our lives in secondary school had molded us, probably into who we kind of are now. Its very amazing cos we didn't know each other at all and the chemistry just took action and over time, we somehow became as one. Through that 2 years, the joy, laughter, tears, all that crazy jokes and insane time together, its really not that easy to be forgotten. 

Its definitely very heartwarming to think about the past and to hope for the future. Half a decade now and hoping that our 2i1 bond will keep growing, stand stronger than ever and we will be able to remain present as one in the rest of the chapters in our lives. :)

♥