17 years passed and I grew up. So have my friends and the people around me. Its inevitable that we all grow up, no longer have the opportunity to celebrate children day like we did before. And for me, that was almost 5 years before. I've never felt as grown up as I do now. Its pretty overwhelming and feels like a lot to take in cos society is starting to reveal itself to you and a lot of things are no longer as simple as how it was. But, it doesn't mean that life isn't getting any better. That isn't what I meant. Life is still how it was, giving you opportunities, giving you challenges, giving you laughter, sorrow and everything that you can possibly handle in that tiny body of yours.
Was chatting with Helen on the phone this afternoon, or rather, ytd afternoon, and she mentioned that through the 6 months of holiday that we had, it seemed to have changed her and I thought through her words after that and find it kind of true. (Helen does have the ability to start me right on track and think about a lot of things in my life.) I don't exactly know when I actually embarked on a changing phase in this period of my life but just like a lot of others out there, I changed and I accept this change. Believe I mentioned about this changing phase a while back but since it came to my mind today, I decided to include it into this blogpost again. Not too naggy I hope.
So.. the long 6 months holidays right after the O levels exams was supposed to be a really long slacking period for me, not having to think about any academic stuff at all, expected myself to slack everyday. But it seems like I wanted to work when I see people around me starting to get part time jobs and fewer people had the time to hang around with me. Plus, when the results were released, and even more of my friends chose the JC route and entered JC, there were even fewer chances to see some of them and it dawned upon me that people around me are entering a different stage of their lives and so am I. The only difference is that i'm taking a different route as compared to them and it'll most probably end us up in different places. Soon, I found a job at Subway and thought naively that I will definitely work through the remaining 4 months or so. 4 months really doesn't sound that much of a time right? But then, I was wrong. It was really tiring and I didn't manage to continue with that job for a very long time. That was my very first working experience and no doubt it wasn't exactly pleasant, it did actually taught me that not everybody around you is going to treat you nicely. Because people didn't. In this society, people are going to look down on you and laugh at you when you are down at your lowest. Not everybody will become your good friend with just the passing of time.
Which is why, growing up takes courage. Probably you'd think the younger you is the real you, or you may say the grown up you is the real you. I don't think that there is an exact definition for that cos it really depends on you and ultimately only you will know the answer to that. And you know what? Growing up made me feel like my world starts crashing down sometimes and made me feel like I am alone, lonely and just another individual standing in the world but that isn't really true. I know who treats me well and really cherish me for who I am right now. Its just that dark period of time while growing and experiencing. But in fact, nothing really changes. I know it sounds damn contradicting but for that matter of fact, real friends that is, they aren't going to leave when you grow up, They'll grow with you.
Another contradicting thing is that I feel very much like me now, even though its like way after the 6 months holiday alr. I've changed, like I said, but I still feel like me. I'm just more conscious of what I want and what I need to do, more conscious of the other side of things and probably discovered differences in myself. Definitely not that exact same person years ago. Don't necessary dislike this change nor do I really like it cos its very much what I so called expected through the years? I don't take note of such things when I was way younger. It was only until recent years that I had this 'ability' of sensing the differences in myself, things or people around me. And I have to conclude that a lot of us are different now.
There's probably a lot more things that you can link changing to and its just going to go on and on. We all have a different story growing up and if you think really carefully, a lot of things that have happened, or decisions made, can be linked and there's more or less a reason behind it.
A lot is going through my mind now as I think back long long time ago stuff and try to picture my own growing up story in my head. Its quite fascinating I would say. Tiny things are capable of setting my mind into its thinking mode nowadays and i've become quite a thinker now? Haha.
After happy days, sad days, frustrated days, lonely days, whatever, you realise life do go on despite the fact that you change or not, whether or not you like it, etc. I guess i'm quite done with my thinking tonight and i'm happy that I did. There are some things that I feel like I haven't really touched on though. I hate it when there are things that I have difficulty expressing myself in. Okay nvm. Forget it. Haha.
Really enjoying myself now, anticipating a new start when school starts in about 2 week's time. Its gonna be a time to put things behind and work on the future. *waiting*
Okay bye! Cheers. :)
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