Hello there!
Its the first day of the new year and I woke up at roughly 11:30AM today, took in a deep breath and was like 'Wow, there it goes. Another year's over.' Then at 12 noon, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when the bell in the church chimed. That feeling of hearing the church bell chime that washes over me is still the same. And I love it still.
I guess I just wanted to do a little recap for 2014, which is last year, as well as to record down my new year resolution for 2015 and some other expectations and stuff along the way.
As i've shared on instagram, 2014 has been a year of ups and downs, specifically at the beginning of the year. As time passes, things just took a turn for the better and i'm feeling really blessed and thankful for that.
Basically in the first quarter of the year, W. and I met with an ordeal and from there we finally went separate ways. I was thrown right down into the darkest pit and I basically moped around trying to get back on track and trying to lead a normal life without him. Losing someone that you loved so dearly is never easy and the journey of standing back up again on your own is probably one of the worst thing to do. For the next 6 months or so, time and time again I would think that i'm finally done with the pain and whatnot but yet, time and time again I would find myself facing reality right in the face and I would crumble and fall back down. As much as I really wanted to give up there and then, somehow I managed to/ felt like I desperately needed to stand back up again and I did. Though I ended up falling again and again numerous times, but undeniably, each time that I managed to stand back up, I felt stronger and more capable of fighting against the pain of the past.
And so I went on to internship brokenhearted and I must say that the 6 months that I spent working is a really good chance to recover away from his presence and to have time on my own to think through things and get ready for the future. It was during this period of time that I got closer to myself, exploring my likes and dislikes with honesty and spending time alone and with friends to search for happiness again. After internship, I genuinely thought that I was alright already. And I almost believed myself as well until I realised that I felt forced whenever I smiled and laughed. Almost like I didn't want to smile and laugh but i'm making myself do it because I had to. That realization pains me to even think about it. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do because I was so unhappy. I felt lost about being happy. I was worrying like what if I never could be happy again? But as time passes, school resumed, I started enjoying everything a little more bit by bit and slowly but surely I saw a change in my mood and emotions. And so the day finally came when I realised that I no longer feel forced when I smiled. It felt great. To be happy again.
From then on till ytd, my happiness level in me just went higher and higher. I started feeling genuinely happy and its only the start. I'm really happy about being able to move from W. and to find interest and curiosity in art, how i'm no longer afraid to spend time alone, how i'm seeing myself in a different light and have higher self esteem, basically how i'm so much happier as an individual.
Its amazing how so much can change in a year/ a few months time. I already feel like i'm a better version of myself as compared to the start of 2014 but in 2015, i'm striving to become an even better version of myself.
With that being said, there are a few resolutions that i've set for myself in this new year.
RESOLUTIONS [2015]:
#01 Explore acrylic painting
#02 Make trips to art museums
#03 Heath (drink more water, exercise, eat well, sleep early)
#04 Do splits
#05 Be organised
So that's pretty much it for the resolutions. I'm happy that I managed to become a more optimistic person in general and fulfill my resolution from last year. Its probably not all but I lost track to be honest and to prevent that from happening again, i'm gonna write it down in black and white this year. ;)
That's about it~ I will continue to be optimistic and happy, constantly contented and count my blessings and be thankful. Basically living the life that I would dream of, with gratitude, hope and confidence. :)
Happy new year!
J.
xoxo
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